What Goes Around
by KatherineSpice
Summary: What goes around comes around, as they say; and karma has a very fine sense of irony. JPLE SBLE Warning: LOTS of angst in the first few chapters, and it is rated M for a reason. This fic is not for the faint of heart, or those who are fans of fairytale-like romances.
1. Trouble in Paradise

_"Love is temporary; only fairytales are forever." - Author Unknown_

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_April 6, 1977_

The last day of school before spring break at Hogwarts. Everybody wanted to spend it with their friends before returning home – the ambiance was much more amical, jovial, and freer then even just a day before when some students were still writing their finals. The burden that had weighed down upon the shoulders of the young students finally lifted and they felt liberated.

Lily was sitting by the edge of the lake, sketching the beautiful view in front of her, smiling to herself because school was finally out – if only temporarily –, because she was fortunate enough to spend most of her days surrounded in such a beautiful castle with such an amazing garden, and because her beloved boyfriend was only a few minutes from arriving to meet her at the Lake. Her heart filled with joy and love at the thought of them talking, laughing at their favorite spot on the castle grounds and planning their break and the rest of their life together. James often liked to talk about such serious topics: his parents were old, nearing the age of 100, and they wanted to see their child get married before their dying days.

James said that he too was ready for a marriage – he had partied and flirted and slept enough with girls to last a lifetime during fourth to sixth year and he's had enough of that kind of life. He often spoke of how he wanted to take their relationship to the next level, and though Lily wasn't quite ready yet to make that step – it was her first relationship with anyone, ever, unlike James –, she knew that she would eventually be and often fantasized about their wedding day.

Lily stopped sketching for awhile and enjoyed as the sun shone on her face. She couldn't imagine feeling luckier or happier. Just a few days ago, she was in a state of utter depression because of all the arguments with her beloved boyfriend – but just two days ago, she and James had made up and everything seemed like it was back to normal. Admittedly, James had been a bit distant with her recently, but Lily was certain he would come around eventually. After all, he wanted to get married and he often talked about how he was the perfect girl for him – he had always wanted his girlfriend to be 'pure' before marrying him, how he had an inexplicable thing for redheads, and how beautiful she was, inside out, in general. For Lily too he was perfect, because he loved her like no other has ever loved her, and for her, that – _love_ – was perfectly sufficient. She didn't care about his slight beer belly (he fancied alcohol as much as he fancied redheads), his glasses, his slightly big nose or his hairy chest. He, with his love for her, was enough for her despite all his shortcomings.

She was more than glad that their relationship was back on track despite all their recent arguments – they had survived a rough patch and were becoming stronger than ever... she could pardon all his mistakes, even though they were quite grave, simply because he loved her and she loved him back. She would accept things no other would forgive him only because she felt like he accepted her fully too, and not only accepted her but loved every part of her, even the ugly parts. _This must be true love_, she thought.

Her face lit up when she saw James approaching, not truly handsome but gorgeous to _her _as the sun shone on his face, his creole skin. The way the wind blew through his already way too messy, jetblack hair sent goosebumps down her spine. After their arguments, instead of falling out of love with him, she fell in love with him again and loved him more than ever. She considered herself a truly lucky girl.

James looked somber and unsmiling when he approached her.

"Hey," the redhead said flirtatiously when he stopped in front of him. _I'll put him in a good mood again,_ she thought to herself. "Wanna sit down?" she asked.

"No," James said. "I'm in a hurry,"

"Oh," Lily said, standing up. _I thought we were going to spend time together,_ she thought, but didn't want to make a fuss out of this and quarrel again. They would spend time together later, she decided. He would make up for this somehow, she was sure. "How come?" she asked, stepping closer to him and starting to caress his face. He snapped his head away, looking disgusted. "What?" she asked, feeling hurt, though certain that he would have a perfectly acceptable explanation for his questionable behavior. She just needed to wait for it.

"I have... something to tell you," James finally said.

"What?" Lily asked, smiling. Surely it was good news. Couldn't be anything else.

"You're not gonna like it," James said, finally looking her in the eyes. His hazel eyes were scared, guilty – he looked away quickly too.

"What?" Lily asked. Her heart started thudding furiously against her ribcage – she felt something bad was coming, but quelled the feeling. They were in love – what could possibly go wrong? "What is it?" she asked pleadingly, her voice desperate.

James looked her in the eyes, looking sorry. "No," Lily said, tears streaming down her face. She sniffed, tried to blink back the tears – she felt pathetic. "No," she repeated, waiting for confirmation. All she got was James's sorry look in return. "No, no, no," she started crying, sobbing loudly, uncontrollably, her features contorting with pain and suffering. She felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest. She grabbed his shirt and started shaking him, needy and scared, "No, no, no! Please – don't!" Her emotions were in complete control of her. She could not hold back her desperation.

"Stop it," he said, his eyes becoming steely. He pushed her away from him. Where James touched her on her arm, her skin felt like it was burning up. The way his steely eyes bore into hers hurt her too. She felt like she was getting asphyxiated by the one she loved most. It was worse than any kind of corporal punishment she's ever had to endure at school.

"But you said – you loved me," Lily said, sobbing, snot coming out of her nose too. She wiped her nose unceremoniously with her naked arm. "You said you loved me," she went on, her green eyes wide with disbelief. She started weeping terribly. People were starting to turn their heads to see what was going on. Lily couldn't stop crying.

But then she got angry – she was experiencing all the stages of grief one after another. She pushed him violently, surprising James. "You said you loved me!" Lily cried, pushing him again. "You said you wanted to – you wanted to marry me," she said, her voice breaking, looking him straight in the eyes.

"I know what I said," James said, holding his hands up in case she decided to 'attack' him again. "But feelings – they just go away sometimes. They die. We fell out of love with each other. It happens. Love dies, sometimes. I _know_ you didn't have any relationships before me, but soon you'll learn-" He talked as one talks to an insufferable, slow child. This only infuriated the girl furthermore.

"You were my first!" Lily cried angrily, pushing him again then punching him right between the eyes. He took a step back, holding his bleeding nose.

"The hell is wrong with you!?" James said, shaking his head. "You idiot!"

"Hell is wrong with me?" Lily hissed. "You were my first, don't you understand, you _cockroach_? You were my first! You fed me all these _lies –_ you said you wanted to marry me! I gave you _EVERYTHING_! And _this_ is how you repay me?" She started pushing him again, and James had to hold her down to stop her from pushing him over and embarrassing himself in front of all the spectators. She had already embarrassed him enough by punching her.

"Stop yelling, Lily, you're only embarrassing yourself," James said, looking around, feeling stupid.

Lily suddenly stopped. Her name sounded alien on his lips. He no longer said it with love or affection – it was just a name to him. He called her like he would call one of the girls he had one night stands with. No passion, no emotion, just a name. A simple name that didn't matter anymore. She felt like all the other girls must have, she supposed – used selfishly, and then discarded thoughtlessly. Her anger withered away and a wave of depression washed over her again. She was back to square one. The pain disabled her from moving on.

"I believed in you," Lily said, referring to his dreams that he had whispered to her on cold winter nights, at their home, in the Common Room by the fireplace after everyone had already gone up to their dormitories, "And I _believed_ you." Her voice was quite but accusatory.

James just shrugged helplessly, though it was obvious he didn't truly care. He was just pretending to be the good guy to ease his own conscience. He was lying to himself as he was lying to Lily. He didn't just fall out of love with Lily – he welcomed the end of the relationship as it promised something new to him, though it only promised devastation and sadness to the girl whose purity had mattered more to her than to him. Actually, then and there, just wanted to get away – away from prying eyes, judgmental stares, curious whispers and malevolent chuckling coming from mostly from Slytherins though even some of his own housemates. What was there to say, he wasn't that popular amongst his fellow Gryffindors. Most importantly though, he just wanted to get away from her, his dream girl who had become this emotional wreck throughout their relationship, somehow. He guessed she wasn't what she had seemed like in the beginning when he was in love with her. Appearances can be decieving and people can't pretend to be an improved version of themselves for too long – both were true and he told himself both probably applied to his situation.

"I gave you everything," Lily said, then broke down crying by the lake when he only reacted with a nonchalant shrug again. Her knees weakened and before she collapsed onto the cold, hard ground she sat down be the river, burying her face in her palms and pulling her legs up to her heaving chest. Her shoulders shook uncontrollably as she wept on pathetically for all to see – humiliated and broken by James. All on the grounds watched. No one did anything, all were too stunned and some even gloating and gleeful –

but no one would be unaware of Lily and James's drama by the end of the afternoon. It would be all the talk on the train going home.

_Trouble in Paradise,_ as they came to call it.


	2. Reid and Catherine

It felt like all eternity had passed before someone finally came over to Lily and touched her arm gently. Lily was so immersed in her own pain and self-pity that the sensation of the person's cold fingers against her naked upper arm barely registered in her mind.

"Evans," the voice said, but Lily only started sobbing louder. _Evans_ was what he always used to call her back in the days when he was hopelessly obsessed with her, asking her out on dates every single day. She always rejected him but he always came back for more humiliation. This, she supposed, was karma; she was humiliating herself the same way James had always humiliated himself in front of everyone when asking for a date. Even though at that particular time she was annoyed by James's actions and the boy's entire persona, his desperate attempts at getting a date with her seemed ever so endearing and charming in retrospect. Where was that James now? Why did he leave her?

She started wailing loudly; the pain was stronger than her. The spectators, the entire rest of the world, seemed unreal to her now. The only thing that registered in her mind, and what she perceived to be real, was the indescribable emotional pain she was experiencing.

"Evans!" the voice said sternly, shaking her roughly. Lily was forced to snap back to reality from her reverie and looked up at the brunette, with her big, green tear-filled eyes. The brunette whom Lily recognized to be Reid Martins looked like she didn't know whether to be stern or kind in this situation – they were not close, and she had no idea how to relate to the crying Lily Evans in front of her.

"I'm sorry," she said awkwardly, her blonde Hufflepuff friend standing next to her. Lily recognized her too – she was in James's year too, a girl whom James had allegedly slept with. Catherine, the blonde in question, looked surprisingly compassionate, though on every other occasion before she had glared at her as though she was responsible for everything that had ever happened in her life. Lily gulped – she didn't know how to relate to her. She had never looked down on her, had always considered her a strong, modern woman – she knew she wouldn't be able to stand being a one-night-stand to anyone –, but had been thoroughly annoyed by Catherine's attitude towards her. It was not her fault James had been an ass to her, to put it mildly.

She felt so sorry for her now. Feeling like she understood her pain, gripped by a sudden inspiration and a need and hunger for love to fill the gaping void in her heart, she hugged Catherine to herself. She barely reached up to Catherine's shoulders. She buried her face in the older girl's sweater and couldn't help crying.

Catherine and Reid exchanged meaningful glances over the redhead's shoulder. They had been friends for so long that they could communicate using only their eyes. They nodded at each other, acknowledging the other's opinion, and then said, "Come on; let's get you outta here,"

"T-thank you," Lily said.

Catherine and Reid led Lily away from prying eyes.

"Is she OK?" a girl asked when the three of them got to the entrance of the Castle. Lily felt annoyed by the question – it felt like the girl, though well-meaning she was, was adding insult to injury. She didn't have to specifically point out that she was an emotional mess; it was already crystal clear to anyone with eyes and ears.

"No, not really," Reid snapped, continuing to lead her out of the way. Lily buried her face in her palms, and tried to stop crying but didn't succeed. The pain was keeping her from moving on.

"Sssh, stop crying, girl," Catherine said, rubbing her shoulders. "You'll be fine. Where are your friends? In your dormitory? We gotta find them,"

"Where the hell is the Gryffindor Common Room, anyway?" Reid asked. "I've never been there,"

"It's up on the seventh floor in the West Wing," Lily managed to say in between quieted, weak sobs. She sniffled. "I'll lead you there,"

Even though she was acting civil, Lily couldn't help being slightly mad at the girls – she felt like they were trying to brush her off. She knew they had been kind, but it felt like they had been kind for about four minutes, and then decided that their good deed for the day was done, and who really cared about Evans anyway. But perhaps she was overreacting and they just wanted to ensure she was with people who knew and also knew how to console her. Perhaps it was a bit of both. Oh well, she would never find out.

"All right," Catherine said, nodding, surprised at the younger girl's sudden and unexpected strength. They walked in an awkward silence for a moment, Lily leading the way and occasionally wiping her nose with her hands.

"Do you guys have a tissue by any chance?" she asked, turning back suddenly.

This was when she noticed that behind her, the girls were exchanging glances that obviously meant a lot to do them but one she could not possibly decipher. She felt even angrier – they pitied her, of course they pitied her, who wouldn't pity her. She had made such a scene, oh God – she was the one responsible for all the attention their breakup would eventually get. Though it would have gotten enough anyway, considering the fact they had been considered an it-couple; half the school hated them because James was a jerk and they were sure he was only going to use her, the other half loved them because they thought she was the girl who had finally made James turn good and who doesn't love a love story like that? She gulped as she remembered the rumors of how fast she had slept with him… but he was pressuring her, and she was in love, for God's sake, and when one's in love, it's completely natural for one to give up her own happiness for the sake of their beloved. And she had been very, very much in love with James Potter.

_They had won,_ she thought angrily, directing her wrath at those who had been right about their relationship instead of addressing the root of her problem: James Potter.

_I had given everything up for him, and he still left me,_ she thought after her anger dissipated and a fresh wave of sadness washed over her. But this time, she fought to keep her emotions at bay instead of letting them run free. She didn't burst out crying again. She didn't know where her newfound strength came from but supposed it must have been her aversion of being pitied that inspired her to struggle to keep her cool.

"Sorry, we don't have one," Reid said. "But I can Transfigure your hairclip into one, if you really need one now,"

Lily just stared blankly at first than laughed. "Of course, a Ravenclaw," she said jokingly, referring to the brunette's great knowledge of Transformation. Reid just stared blankly, then laughed, and Catherine giggled too. "Whatever," Lily said, shaking her head, feeling like they didn't truly get her sense of humor. The gratefulness she had felt started ebbing away until she was left with mere annoyance. She knew it was wrong – but she was inexplicably filled with anger at their actions. Perhaps it was misdirected, but she couldn't help the feeling. She was a mess of emotions, and she felt like they were doing this out of obligation rather than the goodness of their hearts and genuine concern.

"Thank you so much, but I don't want to waste your time anymore," Lily said, suddenly stopping in her tracks. Startled, the two older girls followed suit. They both seemed surprised and worried. "Thank you so much, really, I'd probably still be crying at the Lake if it weren't for you two," the gratefulness returned and she finally felt like her normal self without the all-consuming pain and anger. "Really. But I don't want to waste your time anymore. You probably have to pack too,"

"It's just two minutes with a wand," Reid said. "C'mon, we can walk you there,"

"Oh, well, then, thank you," Lily said. "I just thought I was wasting your time,"

"No, not at all," Reid said. "I felt sorry for you; that jerk shouldn't have done that. I heard half of it. What an asswipe. People like that should get their dicks cut off." Catherine laughed at that. "Oh, sorry, fifteen-year old here," Reid added as an afterthought, referring to Lily.

"Doesn't matter," the redhead said. _I've already slept with him. I already know about those kinds of things,_ she thought but decided to not to voice these thoughts, feeling impure and ashamed at the memory of their first night together, and all their other nights together after that.

"Oh," Reid said. "All right, finally a cool fifteen-year old who doesn't act like they're the Virgin Mary. You're cool, I already like you,"

Lily and Catherine laughed. Reid was good at cheering people up. Lily smiled at her gratefully. Reid seemed happy that she was finally feeling better; her smile broadened into a relieved but genuinely glad grin.

"Isn't it, like, embarrassing?" Lily asked timidly. She suddenly felt so ashamed by her own impure actions that she needed to hear that what she had done was OK. That she wasn't alone in sleeping too soon with someone and then being left all alone by the guy she had given everything she had to.

"No," Reid asked, seeming genuinely shocked by the question. "Sex is sex. It's not like a huge deal. Love makes it better but when it all comes down to it, sex is just sex. You really shouldn't glorify the act itself; without love it means nothing and it isn't beautiful, and it should be forgotten," Catherine smiled encouragingly at Lily.

"Oh… OK," the redhead said; this was not quite the answer she had expected and wanted to hear, but it sufficed.

"Was it at least good with him?" Reid suddenly asked.

"Reid, you shouldn't ask that!" Catherine said, elbowing her. Then they both laughed at each other as though making fun of the social rule of not divulging one's sex life to strangers. Lily however, could see the reason behind the rule, but she judged the girls to be trustworthy. Even if they weren't, at least people would know James was bad in bed but Lily had still stuck through with him because _she_ was a good person.

"No, it's whatever," Lily said. "And no.. he wasn't very good. Though I don't really have anyone to compare him to," she added sadly, and she almost burst out crying when once again she was reminded – this time by her own word s – of how much she had given him and how little she had gotten in return. It wasn't the fact that he gave her little that saddened her; it was the realization that he had given her little not because he had little to give, but because he wasn't a genuinely good person and he, presumably, hadn't truly cared. She struggled to keep her emotions at bay and she succeeded.

At her confession, the two older girls burst out laughing loudly. Catherine wiped the sides of her eyes and said, "I'm so sorry. We're not laughing at you, just at him. Like seriously, you should have heard that manslut when we were having sex. I mean… not like that, but when he stormed out of the room," Catherine corrected when Reid burst out laughing. Despite everything, Lily was grinning at the story too. "But like it's really funny because he was a bad fuck in my opinion too," Catherine explained, "And Reid knows it! She actually heard him storming out of my room all huffy and puffy. Really, you should have seen that walk. He was like a gay wannabe diva," Reid did an imitation of his "walk" and Catherine burst out laughing.

"That was almost _exactly_ like the way he walked out, honestly, you should have seen it," Catherine wiped the sides of her eyes again. Lily grinned. "Like he couldn't even get me off. Seriously. What a bad fuck. And he calls himself a ladies' man. Ridiculous! Ladies men know how to get girls off. He's nothing but a joke,"

"Yeah, and then he blamed the whole thing on her ex, you know, Adam, who graduated?" Reid said. "Cause apparently he was too 'feminine in bed' with her, meaning he actually paid attention to her and knew what turned her on and got her off, you know."

"And knew what generally turned girls on, you know, cause he actually was a ladies' man," Catherine added. "Anyway, enough about him – but if you don't mind my prying, did he ever get you off? Because we were always wondering if he was even capable of taking anyone there,"

Lily blushed crimson.

"Yeah, you're being to forward again, Catherine," Reid surmised.

"It's fine," Lily said. "I'm just not used to talking about this. My friends aren't really… so they haven't really… they didn't have serious boyfriends before,"

"Ugh, James wasn't serious either," Catherine said. "He was just a joke. You're better off without him,"

Lily looked somber again. Reid nudged Catherine, who hissed in pain. "Look, I know you probably have your own support system and friends of your own… and we really don't want to intrude or meddle with your private life, but… you know, from my experience people can always do with a little empathy, and not sympathy, because empathy is actually knowing how the other person feels. And I know how you feel. Trust me, I do," Reid said. "So if you ever need anyone to talk to, just come to us, or – well, come to me if you want to cry about it, and if you want to laugh at that jerk, just go to Catherine, she has some stories to tell, some from her own experience, some from that of others,"

The three girls stopped in their tracks. Lily's heart melted. She felt more grateful than ever to these two strangers. She sincerely hoped they were honest, but judging by the fact they were the only ones to help her after her public humiliation, she chose to trust them – or at least, thank them for their support with a hug.

"I know we don't really know each other and I don't want to invade your personal space," Lily said, talking in the same manner Reid had previously done so, making the two other girls grin. "But I honestly think you seem really nice and I do have to thank you for your support and kindness," Lily was already spreading her arms, preparing for a hug.

"Aww," Reid said, opening her arms wide and hugging Lily close to her. Both girls were taller than Lily and she felt awkward and small, like a younger sister. She was used to feeling tall, being the tallest in her group of friends and being taller than most of her classmates. Reid patted her back and Catherine grinned too and opened her arms wide for a hug. Lily was surprised at first but thought hey, why not, and hugged the girl back. After all, the blonde had been nice to her too; it would have been rude to refuse her embrace.

"Anyway," Lily said. "We're here. This is the portrait of the Fat Lady," she said, motioning to the now empty portrait.

"Oh," Reid said. "Well, at least now I know where Gryffindors reside,"

"You've really never been up here before?" Lily asked. Gryffindors showed their Common Room to all their friends from other houses; they didn't make a big secret out of it like Slytherins did.

"Nah, don't have many Gryffindor friends." Reid said, shaking her head. "But I guess I have you now,"

Lily was looking around in other portraits to see if the Fat Lady was near enough for her to call out to her to let her in. Reid noticed where she was looking and misinterpreted the signal. She felt awkward but wasn't sure whether she was misunderstanding Lily's looking for the portrait by thinking it was a subtle and polite sign of Lily's annoyance with them, or whether she just didn't want to stand there for the rest of the day waiting for the Fat Lady. She guessed it was a little bit of both, but alas, unless she learned Occlumency, she would never find out just by guessing.

"Oh, she's there," Catherine said, pointing to a portrait in the corner. The Fat Lady was talking animatedly with a buck-toothed, big-nosed witch. The Fat Lady, naturally, was too invested in her own story to notice the three girls staring at her, but the portrait of the witch did and pointed them out to the Fat Lady. The latter, huffing and puffing and complaining about being interrupted, returned to her own portrait long enough to open it for Lily.

"Thank you," Lily said, before stepping over the portrait with genuine gratitude.

"No prob," Reid said, and Catherine winked at her in a way that suggested comradeship that Lily didn't feel was between them, but it was obvious she was much more forward than most; Reid had made allusions to that throughout their entire conversation.

"See you," Lily said hopefully before stepping into the portrait. When it closed behind her she was still smiling with gratitude and disbelief at having been lucky enough to be 'rescued' by the two coolest and most fun girls at Hogwarts. They seemed genuinely cool and as though they didn't care what the rest of the world thought about them; she obviously didn't care what the boys she slept with thought about her nor what they said about her behind her back. As she said, sex was just sex, and all the boys she had slept with would have to agree. So, apparently, sex was just sex to everyone except Lily.

She gulped and suddenly became aware of the looks the others in the Common Room were giving her; curious stares, hushed whispers behind palms… of course. She had made a scene and James had been a jerk; this would give the gossipmongers something to talk about for at least the end of the school year. She was mad at herself but she was also mad at James.

_I have to keep my cool,_ she told herself. Reid and Catherine, though she didn't know them, inspired her to be strong. Moreover, she had to get back at James somehow for humiliating her. She couldn't give him the satisfaction of breaking down in front of him again. He's had enough of that already.

"Hey," Lily called over her shoulder nonchalantly, smiling confidently when she passed by James. His friends looked even more stunned than James – Lily briefly wondered what story he had told them, what lie he had fed them to make himself look cooler.

Lily was torn between sadness and hatred. She chose hatred for the time being, for it gave her strength, even if it consumed her. She walked up the stairs to her dorm room, where she collapsed onto her bed and started bawling loudly. She wasn't over it, but of course she wasn't over the breakup as it had only happened hours ago. Catherine and Reid had given her a tremendous amount of strength, but left to her own devices, she was a mess and getting closer and closer to hysterical with each passing moment that James didn't come to apologize. She still loved him even if he didn't deserve it, and still missed him even if he didn't miss her. Her love for him was as pure as it was unrequited.

The first cut is always the deepest, she thought, but wise words failed to heal the pain. It would take much more than that to help her get over the loss of her first love.

* * *

A/N: Thank you for reading. I tried to make this chapter longer than the prologue but still not too long to read on a computer. Wouldn't want to harm anyone's eyesight obviously. .

Just because I try my best not to beg you for reviews doesn't mean I'll cut my veins open if I get one. But I will if I don't. Just kidding. Or not. ;) haha

If you have any thoughts for upcoming chapters or any about this one, please share it with me; I'll reply to each and every review that I get that aren't anonymous.

I have a few thought concerning this chapter though, which I'd like to share haha. ;) I imagine most people are on an emotional roller coaster after a breakup, men and women alike, and this is especially true in Lily's case who had been very emotionally invested in her relationship with James. That is why I didn't make her get over the breakup in a matter of seconds just because two girls who obviously never get this invested in relationships anymore showed up, even though she is a strong person. Love can weaken us no matter how we are assertive we are in general. It all depends on who you fall in love with and how they treat you, imho.

What do you think of Reid and Catherine as characters, by the way? I would love to hear your thoughts on them.

Also, if you have any suggestions in regards to how the story should continue, I am open to receiving them haha. The chapters aren't pre-written, so if I like an idea I'll try to incorporate it into the rough draft of the story that I already have if possible. Of course this isn't a necessity, I have ideas of my own (duh), but if someone would like to contribute to the story (as I used to as a reviewer back when I didn't write too many stories), I won't tell them to f off.

Anyway, thank you for reading and sorry for the super long author's note! ;) xoxo


	3. Mary and Daisy

Mary MacDonald and Daisy Hookum were talking animatedly about their final exams, discussing how they think they did and how the professors were going to grade their papers as they were going back to their dorm room.

"No matter what I write Slughorn will fail me," Mary said. "He thinks I'm lower than pondscum," Despite the fact Mary was trying to downplay the situation, it was still obvious to Daisy that her friend felt hurt by Slughorn's negative opinion of her. Daisy patted her shoulder awkwardly but her auburn-haired friend looked up at her with thankfulness nevertheless.

"Thanks," Mary said, eyes shining with gratitude.

"No problem," Daisy said awkwardly.

As they got nearer to their bedroom, they heard loud crying. Several people were standing outside the door. People were discussing who it could be.

"Is it Lily Evans?"

"I heard she just broke up with her boyfriend,"

"It must be Mary MacDonald, you know that short girl with the bob haircut? It must be her, she's really bad at Potions, I guess she knows she's going to fail..."

"Ugh, poor girl though, I don't like Slughorn anyway,"

"Actually, it's Evans I hate the most, she's such a goodie-two-shoes. I say she deserved what she got. At least she can't go on pretending to be Little Miss Perfect anymore! She was so annoying!"

"What about Daisy? She's such a tomboy, she hit George Thomas with a Bludger that one time. He spent two days in the infirmary because of her. I hope she's the one crying, she's such a jackass, she'd totally deserve it!"

Daisy smirked smugly to herself at the memory. Mary, however, was shocked to the core. The gossipmongers had made relatively nice remarks about her compared to the other girls, and she always knew that people gossiped, but coming face to face with the reality of what people had the guts to say when the one person who could really protect the object of gossip wasn't around. She felt hurt by their remarks, even by the ones they had made about her friends. She also felt sickened by their behavior - she would never, ever say things like that about another person.

As they neared, however, and the comments got even meaner, Daisy went mad. Hot-tempered didn't even begin to cover it.

"Excuse _us_," Daisy said, aggressively pushing a girl away from their door. "Don't you have something better to do?"

"I told you, she's so aggressive," a blonde girl whispered behind her palms to her friend, who was nodding in complete agreement beside her. Daisy turned back, her gaze steely and scowling. "Unless you want a black eye, I advise you to shut up," Daisy said. The blonde girl looked scared. "And unless you all want to be hit by a Bludger the next game, y'all all go sod off immediately,"

People started leaving the scene reluctantly, whispering now exclusively about Daisy's aggressiveness. They all agreed that Daisy Hookum should have been born a boy ("I mean, she isn't really pretty either, she's got such a masculine jaw!" "She's more aggressive than the rest of the Quidditch team combined!" "She's such a bitch!"), should be off the Quidditch team because she obviously had threatened to hex the living daylights out of the Quidditch captain if she didn't accept her ("She isn't even that good at Quidditch, she's just super agressive"), and that she's a jackass. Daisy wished she could beat the crap out of all of them. She reserved her nice side only for the ones she felt truly comfortable with – the ones she was sure wouldn't stab her in the back like these two-faced girls had just done.

"You're not the boss of us!" Emmaline Vance suddenly said, folding her arms before her bosom. Daisy raised her eyebrows superciliously. Mary, who had been previously snickering at the cowardly attitude the other girls had displayed, suddenly stopped laughing and sincerely hoped that Daisy wouldn't lose the battle of wits that was about to follow.

"Excuse you?" Daisy said.

"You heard me right," Emma said testily, a few of her friends cowering behind her to put on some kind of show of support. Daisy was universally feared amongst the fourth years of Hogwarts – even the boys. She was tall, tough, didn't take crap from anyone and wasn't afraid to fight either. She had also hit a boy she disliked with a Bludger during one Quidditch match; her previous threat wasn't an empty one.

The girls who had previously started leaving stopped in their tracks and stayed to watch the scene. Daisy felt pissed and even a little nervous. She didn't want to hit Emmaline – she was such a pretty girl and until thus far she had admired her for being so pretty. She even sort of looked up to her for she was everything she wasn't. But Emma was threatening her reputation, which enabled her to get away with so many things, and she couldn't have that.

"If you want your parents to recognize you when you go home for Spring Break," Daisy said, approaching Emma menacingly. "You'd better sod off right now,"

"I won't," Emma said testily. The spectators suddenly dared to come closer, deeming Daisy's power to be not all that great after all. Daisy was getting angry and was beginning to become less and less iffy about beating the crap out of a girl. She usually didn't hurt her own kin, but this one, obviously, had turned against her.

"Fine then," Daisy said, shrugging nonchalantly, whipping her wand out and sending Emma flying into the wall across with a hex. Emma fell to the floor unceremoniously, humiliated, with a loud _thud_ and sat there, barely able to move, her eyes filled with tears. Everybody was afraid to move. Even Mary seemed scared by Daisy's display of power.

"Well then," Daisy said. "I guess we've learned our places now, haven't we? You don't mess with the fourth year Quidditch player, you third-year shit,"

"She's in our year," Mary whispered just for the sake of being correct.

"Who cares," Daisy said. "Hope y'all have a happy day," Daisy added sarcastically as an afterthought before entering their dorm room with Mary, then banging the door shut behind her.

"That was terrible," Mary said. "You hit a girl!" she said accusingly.

Daisy felt uncomfortable. "I _am _a girl," she objected.

"But you hexed her right across the hallway! She could have broken her spine or something,"

"Not like she had a spine to begin with,"

"Of course she did, she stood up to you,"

"It's cause she was seeking attention," Daisy insisted, not wanting to talk about it. She felt bad about hexing someone so much more vulnerable than her, especially a short, skinny girl, but Emmaline Vance _had_ been asking for it, even Mary couldn't deny that!

It was only when they stopped bickering about Daisy's morals or lack thereof that they noticed the crying in the bathroom had seized. They heard the sink go off and a few sniffles as they got closer and were sure it was Lily. Both worried, they exchanged uncertain glances before finally deciding to knock on the bathroom door.

"Who is it?" Lily sniffled. She sounded like she had been crying – she sounded miserable and pitiful. The girls didn't know what had happened as the rumors hadn't yet gotten to them, but Daisy thought she had a pretty good guess about the reason for Lily's crying. She didn't know they had broken up, but she still suspected James of wrongdoing. Mary looked at Daisy inquisitorially; she couldn't imagine what Lily would be crying about. Lily had done well on her final exams, they were back on track with James... could it have something to do with her family, the short girl wondered.

"Is it Tuney, do you think?" Mary asked in a hushed whisper.

"No, it's Potter," Daisy snapped. She had hated that guy ever since she had joined the Quidditch team, much like the rest of the team.

"Daisy, is it you?" Lily snapped when she got no reply to her initial question. Hearing her angry was still better than hearing her tearful. They were more used to a Lily angry than a miserably crying one.

"Yes, it is," Daisy said. "And Mary,"

"Come on in," Lily said. She opened the door before her two friends could do so. The redhead smiled at them, and her smile was pretty as always, but her large, sorrowful eyes betrayed her.

"What happened?" Mary asked, dumbstruck. She had never seen Lily like this before. Not even when her sister beat her up once, not even after their terrible first night with James – never before. What could have happened? The more she thought about it, the more likely it was that James was the culprit. "Who did this to you?" she still asked.

"No one," Lily said, shaking her head. "I am OK now," she insisted, though she looked like she was on the verge of tears.

"Don't gimme that," Daisy said. "I can see you're not all right. Do you want me to beat him up? Hex him into the next century?"

Lily laughed, and a tear rolled down her thin cheeks. She hadn't been eating that well since her more serious quarrels with James had started, the ones after which they (or rather, James) refused to talk to the other. Lily hadn't taken well to the cold shoulder on her loved one's part; she hated when sister Petunia ignored her as well.

"No," Lily said, instinctively protecting her ex. She had gotten so used to defending James that it had become an automated response to anything her friends said about him. With the exception of Mary – Mary saw the good in everybody and insisted everybody was worth more than they thought. She was much like Lily had been when they became friends during their first year. Lily's perceptions had been slightly changed ever since then, as though the world didn't want her to be the innocent girl she had always been. As though life had something else in store for her, something it deemed better even if Lily refused to take it and hated the idea of being anything else but pure and innocent. She had hit so many roadblocks during her life it was a miracle she hadn't lost faith yet in her beliefs.

"No, you don't have to do that," Lily said again, sniffing, then blowing her nose into toilet paper. She sat down on the closed lit of the toilet; her shoulders were slumped, betraying how worthless she must have felt at the moment, but she seemed determined not to cry, even forcing an almost believable smile on her face. She was strong; she had simply given too much of herself to the wrong person to be able to stand up quickly from this or face it alone.

_You don't have to do that,_ Daisy thought, wishing she could say that, afford to be that openly emotional. But she wanted to keep her image, which had taken her long to build up, and not even Lily was allowed to see the soft, vulnerable side of Daisy Hookum. Life had made her tough and distrustful; Lily and Mary were the only ones she felt something akin of true friendship, love and respect towards. Daisy sat down beside her on the toilet and started caressing her hair; that usually calmed her down. Lily loved when people touched and played with her hair. Mary kneeled down in front of the two of them and hugged Lily close to herself. She nudged Daisy too, and the latter reluctantly complied, realizing that desperate situations called for desperate measures. She felt uncomfortable hugging her friend (even caressing Lily's hair had felt like a stretch to her, let alone this) but still didn't let go.

In her friends' arms Lily first only sniffled, sobbed almost noiselessly, before being unable to suppress the pain any longer and bursting out bawling. "Thank you, thank you for being here," she said to her friends. Her friends were curious about what could have happened to shake Lily Evans so, though Daisy was starting to suspect that Potter either cheated on her or broke up with or perhaps even both. Mary, however, was hoping for the best. She hoped that no matter what had happened with James, they would eventually make up and go back to having that amazing relationship they had in the beginning that had made the two of them the dream couple of Hogwarts and what had made them the envy of half of the school. They were also worried about Lily, wondering whether she could ever get over whatever had happened to her this time. Potter seemed to have a gravitational pull on her, an influence they couldn't understand.

They waited for Lily to tell them what had truly happened; despite what the fact they both suspected what had happened, they were both outraged when Lily told them the story from beginning to end.

"How could he?" Mary, eyes widened in disbelief, shaking her head.

"You were the best damn thing that ever happened in that bastard's life!" Daisy, of course. Mary didn't swear.

"Why couldn't he do it normally? I mean, I just don't understand... he seemed so nice..."

"Everybody seems nice to you, Mary! You would say Grindelwald was a darling if you had only met him," Daisy snapped. Lily smiled despite herself. "That dick should get his caught off! You were – gosh, Lily, you were – everything he wanted in a woman! And he fucked that up too? You were pure, you were a redhead, you were-"

"I _know_ what I was," Lily snapped. As she sat on her bed in their dorm room, she looked like a scorned angel with her skinny limbs, long, graceful neck, sparkling, almond-shaped green eyes and beautiful, shiny red hair. Daisy was yet again amazed by femininity and wondered why guys like James couldn't appreciate it more. She appreciated beauty and kindness more than anyone – she was more than grateful, even if she didn't show, for a few kind words from her mother and she even painted in secret. She aspired to make magical portraits of wizards and witches before their deaths to keep them alive in the only way possible in the magical world. However, she did everything to keep these two things a secret from everyone. "I am over this part. I – I just need to move on. No matter what I had given him, he didn't appreciate me or all that to stay with me. There is nothing I can do."

"You can show him what a catch you are," Mary said immediately. Lily smiled indulgently, though she seemed a bit annoyed at her friend's sad attempt at revenge. "Dress hotter, date other boys."

"I shouldn't center my life around revenge," Lily said. She wiped the sides of her eyes and Daisy rushed over with a tissue right away. Lily smiled gladly up at the tall, muscly girl and took the tissue, saying, "Thank you," with true gratitude.

"You should," Daisy insisted. "He's a dick and karma got hit by a bus somewhere back in Cain and Abel's day. It's an eye for an eye, my friend, don't turn the other cheek or you'll just get slapped!"

"Stop it," Lily said, though she seemed a bit cheerier now. "Any attempts like that are way too obvious and pathetic and will be considered as such by everyone else who isn't my friend. Besides, he's not worth it. He's not worth it at all; he'll never find anyone like me either,"

Mary and Daisy both looked a bit surprised at Lily's sudden confidence. Everything else she had said seemed very mature and like she had truly gotten over James already, or at least logically understood why she should. The last part seemed like desperate ex-girlfriend talk and they were both surprised by it.

"I mean," Lily said, as though excusing herself for the bold remark. "I don't think he will. I gave him everything. I forgave him everything. I truly loved him. I was pure, I was gentle, I was kind, I was nice... all those things. Perhaps he figured out he didn't like what he had thought attractive to begin with. I can't know. I just don't think he'll find anyone like me," Mary and Daisy stared at her quizzically, obviously waiting for their friend to back up her statement with facts. Lily seemed embarrassed, and, turning slightly red, she said, "I mean, do you know other redheads who are 'pure' and kind and pretty and are willing to give him the time of day? Even I wasn't initially. But you know what – even if he does, _let him._ I can't afford to care because he obviously doesn't either."

No tears swelled up in her eyes. Her tough expression remained intact. Her eyes didn't show sadness or weakness either. Daisy was ready to believe she was getting better, and the disease that was the dramatic James Potter was finally washed out of her system with all the tears the redhead had cried. Daisy went over to Lily's bed and patted the girl on the shoulder friendlily. Lily smiled up at her and blew her nose again. She didn't seem dejected anymore but still blew her nose. Mary came over to her and hugged her too. Lily smiled, softly and shortly but truly. She was grateful that in such bad times she had two friends whom she could count on, even if she had one less person to trust and to love with James's betrayal – but perhaps she had never had James by her side to begin with. Perhaps she hadn't lost anything, she thought, she had just gained something: her dignity. She had embarrassed herself and put her own interests aside to please James so many times that she wasn't going to waste one more moment on him; revenge seemed like running circles around him again, and that idea was as ridiculous as unadvisable in her situation. She decided she was going to be strong, even if it took everything she had.

* * *

A/N: The characters' names have been picked from various verified sources, meaning they did actually go to school in time with the Marauders. You will be seeing a number of OCs in this fic - hopefully that doesn't put you off. Unfortunately there aren't many well-developed characters in the Marauders Era, so as a MMWP Era writer I have to invent some for the story's sake.

I am wondering how you like the characters I have introduced thus far. What do you think about what James did, and how is Lily handling it in your opinion? What do you expect to (or wish to) see in the upcoming chapters? Which of Lily's friends and schoolmates do you like the most? I am interested in your opinion, feedback is what I write for (to improve my writing), so thank you for taking your time to review.

xoxo

Katherine


	4. Trainwreck

Quite simply put, the train ride home was a wreck. Lily sat with her friends, many of whom insisted on interrogating her about the breakup. It was hard for Lily to decide whether they simply wanted to help and thought that talking about it would make her feel better, or were simply curious and were internally gloating that they had never been screwed over like that before. At least she could be certain, however, that Mary and Daisy were true to her, and that thought was enough to cheer her up.

Whether it was genuine or not, people showed her a lot of sympathy in regards to her situation. They all agreed upon the fact that James had been a jerk and that there are much more civil ways of ending a relationship; Frank Longbottom, one of Lily's few male friends, also insisted that James should have taken into consideration the fact that this had been Lily's very first relationship, and he shouldn't have ensured that the metaphorical first cut would be so deep.

It struck Lily as odd that people wouldn't have made such a fuss about it if it hadn't been her first relationship; but how was this any different? It was just a relationship, after all. If her first try at painting or any other thing would have ended with disaster, people would have encouraged her to go on and not give up hope, because life was for players not quitters. It struck her as odd that people's first relationship was romanticized and idealized to this degree; Petunia had already broken up with her first boyfriend, and Reid and Catherine seemed to do fine without having married their respective first lovers too. In fact, it seemed to have added to their character; it had certainly added to Petunia's in any case.

In a way, Lily took this as a gift; an opportunity to become a better person. As much as she would have liked to solely blame James for everything, being detached from the relationship now that she was finally out of it, she was able to see where she had gone wrong (and where he had even made it worse.) She could see that James wasn't all that she had thought he was; he was too much of a baby deep down to be a real asshole, and too immature to be the amazing lover some people made him out to be. If there was one thing she regretted it wasn't that she had slept with someone, but that it had to be such a despicable person.

However, with crying and moping she would get nowhere. She was tired of crying for him anyway, and waiting around for him to change, not knowing how to inspire him to do so and him not having the will to do so; she decided the best thing she could do for herself was to get over was an asshat, and very far from a catch. She, however, still had lots of time before she graduated to make herself a better person.

People were getting used to the fact the fifties were over and many girls chose to test out many guys instead of settling for their first boyfriend. Because, she realized, even if he would have married her, he would still be a downgrade; he wasn't that handsome, he wasn't that smart, and he wasn't good enough at Quidditch to play the sport professionally either. He had been funny, amazing, gentle in the beginning, but towards the end, he had showed his true colors, and she was forced to realize James Potter was a man no girl would want to marry.

She still wished she could have waited until marriage to be the perfect, innocent girl most guys still secretly dreamed about. But she wasn't that anymore, she told herself before she could get lost in her thoughts about what-ifs or break down in front of her friends. She didn't want to humiliate herself any further. _A guy shouldn't love my purity, he should love me personally, not my overvalued, over-romanticized virginity_, she told herself. She chose to listen to her brain rather than her irrational feelings (which had led her, in the past, to give up her resolve to wait until marriage to an unworthy guy) on this one; she could see why this bad experience could be considered a gift and an opportunity to continue.

"Are you OK?" Alice asked suddenly, a little too overbearing and motherly for Lily's taste. It felt fake.

"Yes, I am," she said, forcing herself to smile instead of frowning. To calm herself down, she told herself that she might be overreacting and Alice might only not be buying her act because she would have acted much differently in her place. "Anyway, where's the buffet lady? I am starving,"

"The buffet lady?" Alice asked, giggling. "Five years and you still hadn't learned her name?"

"Sorry I'm not one first name basis with the _buffet _lady," Lily replied snappishly; except for Daisy, no one noticed that she was pissed and they all laughed, because no one else knew her name either and didn't understand why Alice had taken this so seriously. Students in general didn't care about the personnel that served them; the students didn't know the names of the House Elves at Hogwarts either.

Frank gave Alice a comforting kiss on the top of her blonde head; the two seemed really in love, or at least Frank did. Lily couldn't help feeling a little jealous; surely _he_ wouldn't break up with Alice after only eight months. Her anger was misdirected, and she knew, but she would rather her anger be misdirected than waste one more thought on James. She alternated between wanting to hex Alice into the next century or give James his first out of body experience. She tried to soothe herself, but she couldn't let go of the anger; she could only suppress it until it resurfaced, perhaps in even uglier ways. But anger was better than sadness.

The rest of the ride passed joyfully as soon as her friends let the subject of the breakup drop; Lily hadn't had this much fun since… well, longer than she could remember. The past months had been filled with constant quarrels and bickering with James, and as a result Lily couldn't really enjoy being with her friends because in the back of her mind, she was constantly worrying about what he could be doing without her, whether he was enjoying himself with his friends, or whether he even cared about their relationship as much as she did.

They bought sweets, candy and chocolate from the buffet lady when the latter arrived, and discussed their plans for spring break. Frank was interning at Alice's father's Muggle car shop so the two could spend more time together; Alice was probably going to watch him fix cars all day; Daisy was going to practice Quidditch with the private teacher whom her parents had hired to train her at the suggestion of Madame Hooch, who insisted Daisy was beyond talented when it came to the sport; Mary said she was going to try to sell her paintings, though it was doubtful whether her shy personality was adept for marketing; it was only Lily whose spring break plans were 'survive my family.'

The redhead had made light of it, insisted she would try to rekindle her friendships with her neighbors to be able to avoid Petunia, but really, she had only come up with these ideas in the spur of the moment, and didn't think her childhood friends in the neighborhood even remembered her. She didn't want to admit that in reality she hadn't planned anything because she had been waiting around for him to make plans for them as any loving boyfriend would do. It felt infuriating; everybody's life had been moving forward while she had been stuck in a bad relationship.

_This is good, this is good for me,_ she kept telling herself to soothe the anger she felt. _I am finally living myself and not just for the relationship._ She was mostly angry at herself, but if it hadn't been for James, she wouldn't have been such a lovesick fool either, and thus she blamed him too for her actions.

She had never felt so aggressive in her life; she chanced a glance at Daisy. Was this how she felt all the time?

Time went on in the compartment; Lily tried to not think about James, but time and time again, something as innocent as a random remark made by her friends reminded her of her past lover. She wasn't egotistic enough to believe that he was secretly moping about her too, but she knew James was all-show and that deep down, he knew what he had done was wrong and probably felt bad about it even if he would never fess up to it.

It was because he thought this made him strong and manly. He thought this was expected of him as a male. In most people's opinion, he seemed to confuse manliness and responsibility with idiocy and irresponsibility. She, however, wouldn't be the one to change that about him.

Completely unexpected, Catherine and Reid knocked on the door of their compartment; Lily's friends looked at each other, dumbfounded, wondering all the while who they could be and what they could possibly want.

"It's OK, I know them," Lily said quickly, and Mary shrugged and slid the compartment door open for the two sixth-years.

"Really?" Daisy asked.

"Yes, I do," Lily said. "They saw me break-"

"Well, hello, Lils," Catherine said cheerily, interrupting her. "Can I sit here?" she asked Mary, and the black-haired girl shyly scooted over to make place for the tall and busty blonde. "Sure," Mary muttered, looking at Lily with horror. _Who are these girls and what the heck do they want?_, her eyes seemed to say. Reid, grinning at Catherine's attitude, sat down beside Alice politely, not asking anyone to make place next to Lily.

"Guess who we hexed the hell out of today," Catherine said to Lily with a bright smile.

Lily didn't know how to react. Was she supposed to be grateful or freaked out by the invasion of privacy?

"I'm sorry, we really didn't want to meddle," Reid added when she saw Lily's expression. "I just… we heard him brag about it in front of his friends and a bunch of people in the corridor, and we just had to… I mean, seriously, what an asshat!"

"Who, Potter?" Daisy said, pronouncing the name with disgust.

"He was… bragging about it?" Lily asked, looking at Catherine and Reid. She had suspected that he would, but she had still been hoping for the best. Apparently, when it came to James Potter, it was futile.

"Yes, I guess he had to get back at you for royally ignoring him in the Gryffindor Common Room or something," Reid said. "That's what his friends were teasing him about, anyway. Well, mocking actually,"

"Yeah, they were all like, you dated a fifteen year old and she dumped your ass, how does it feel? Blah blah blah," Catherine said, rolling her large green eyes. Lily hadn't noticed how much makeup she was wearing up until this point. "So of course Potter with his tiny dick had to pretend to be manly, when we all know he's about as manly as Slughorn is thin," (Daisy and Mary couldn't help but burst out laughing at this), "So, yeah, we had to show him his place," Catherine said, then flashed a grin that made her look uncharacteristically innocent and young.

"God, I wish I could have been there," Daisy said, and Catherine laughed.

"So, you're in his year then?" Alice asked.

"Yeah, they are," Frank said. "I know them. What's up with your boyfriend, Callaghan?" he asked Catherine sharply.

"Which one do you mean, _mate_?" Catherine said, grinning like a feline, not at all like she had grinned before. Lily could tell it was only to annoy the conservative Frank further; Frank was aware of this too, and humiliated and pissed off, turned away.

"Well, anyway," Catherine said, turning back to Lily, feeling the hostility rise in the compartment. "We just thought we should tell you that you shouldn't be surprised if you see him walking with a limp,"

"Didn't his friends stand up for him?" Alice asked, gleeful.

"A body bind curse can do wonders," Catherine said superciliously. "Don't worry, you'll learn it in sixth year. Maybe your boyfriend can teach you,"

"Shut up, Callaghan," Frank said.

"Ooh, what a comeback, you showed me. You really put me in my place this time, didn't you, Longbottom," Catherine said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "What kind of name is Longbottom anyway?" she said, snorting. She shook her head.

"Catherine, be nice," Reid said, laughing awkwardly.

"Well, once he stops being an asshat, maybe I'll stop too," Catherine said, though it didn't sound like she seriously would.

"Why… why do you guys hate each other so much?" Lily asked, wondering whether she was being too forward or not. She had to somehow ease the tension, however; she hoped this wouldn't only make things worse.

"Well cause she's a bitch," Frank said quite simply.

"Ugh, no, she isn't," Lily said. "She was the one who helped me get myself together after James broke up with me in front of a freaking crowd. I don't think she's one," She didn't want to be ungrateful.

Catherine smiled gratefully at Lily. "Oh yeah, and we also hexed the shit out of her ex. What have you done for her other than drill her about her breakup to feel better about your mediocre relationship? I know you, Longbottom, and I only feel sorry for the poor girl who you're boring to death this time."

"You don't need to feel sorry for me," Alice said venomously, staring at Catherine hatefully. "Our relationship is really amazing. Sorry if you don't like the fact he's totally over you,"

"Ugh, we never dated. Hello… just look at him. Then Look at me. Then Look back at him. And then look in the mirror too. Do you understand now or should I spell it out for you?" Catherine said. Alice gaped at her with disbelief.

"You _are_ a bitch," Alice said.

"Alice, stop it, she helped me! She hexed James too!" Lily said, trying to ease the tension before anyone got their wands out.

"She's still one!" Alice insisted angrily.

"You have no idea what happened between her and Frank, stop judging!"

"I don't care if they dated and she can't move on," Alice snapped.

"We never dated, Jesus," Catherine said. "Tell them, Frank. Tell them how you stalked me for months before finally getting the message after sneaking into my dorm last Valentine's Day, redecorating my bed, and then waiting for me to show up so we could do it, and then ironically calling me skank for doing the exact opposite of what skanks do,"

Everybody was shocked, and Frank looked humiliated beyond measure. Lily felt sorry for him; the Frank she knew was a good guy and he didn't deserve this kind of public embarrassment even if he had done what he had done. She was sure this wasn't how things had gone down, however. She just couldn't believe it.

"Well, let's go, Reid," Catherine said, standing up.

"Yeah, you really should go," Alice said.

"How cute, after hiding behind your mother's skirt now you hide under your girlfriend's?" the blonde said to Frank derisively before turning to Alice with a malevolent smile. "Be careful, girl, he's just using you," Catherine said, then stepped on Mary's leg, who was trying to trip her, before walking out of the compartment with Reid and shutting it behind her. The two were already joking about Frank before they were out the window.

"Who the hell were these people?" Alice demanded, turning to Lily. "Are they your friends or something?"

"No, they were there when I was humiliated in public and helped me get off the ground, literally," Lily said. "They were really kind to me," she tried explaining.

"Well not to us," Alice snapped, and Mary and Daisy nodded in unison.

"Daisy, you didn't even talk to them," Lily said.

"Man, did you hear how she was talking to Frank? As if he were a toerag and nothing more," Daisy said, flaring up and gesticulating wildly. "She's kind of a jackass,"

"Sorry, but… you know, you do that sometimes too," Mary said with just a hint of fear in her voice. "You hexed a third year into the wall,"

"Let's just admit that none of us are perfect here," Lily said before Daisy could snap back at Mary. She then turned to Frank and asked, "You didn't really – do that though, did you?"

Frank looked away and didn't reply. "You did!?" Alice shrieked at his reaction. Frank didn't reply. She looked like she was completely reevaluating their relationship. "Am I like some kind of rebound or something?"

Frank looked away, not replying, all the while not taking his hands off Alice's shoulders – so Alice brushed them off angrily.

"I am!?" she sounded like she couldn't believe it. "You're such an asswipe, Frank Longbottom! Get the hell out of here," she cried, and she looked like she was near tears. Her greenish-brown eyes were already becoming watery. Lily was dumbfounded; she really couldn't imagine Frank as a stalker, but sometimes the truth can be shocking, she decided. And then again, Alice and Frank had only been dating for a month and Lily didn't really know him; he had just seemed so nice!

"I'm sorry," Frank managed to get out before shamefully walking out of the compartment, shoulders slumped. He opened the compartment door, and with sad and shameful eyes, looked back at Alice over his shoulder as though hoping that she would change her mind.

"Go," Alice said, her face an ugly blotchy red color. "Go!" she yelled at him when he refused to move. Finally, Frank walked out of the compartment door and shut it behind him. Alice stared at the closed compartment door with a look of disbelief in her eyes before bursting out crying. Lily and Mary immediately rushed to console her while Daisy awkwardly pretended to rummage in her handbag for tissues just to avoid joining in on the hug.

The rest of the ride, Lily had to spend mourning Alice's two months long relationship with a boy with whom she hadn't even slept with. Lily felt this was a ridiculous twist of fate, but at least she was no longer the victim –or at least not the only one – in the compartment. It was hard to resist joining in on the pityfest and start crying too, but she managed. And lucky she did, because after about twenty minutes of consoling Alice, James Potter limped to their compartment.

Lily couldn't believe it when she saw him staring through the transparent compartment door. James pulled a face that mocked Lily's expression of surprise, and Lily felt angry and humiliated. She raised her eyebrows superciliously to mask how she truly felt; James forced himself to grin, trying to pretend he had only been joking harmlessly when in reality his intention had been to make Lily feel bad about showing any sort of emotion towards him.

He knocked but slid the compartment door open without waiting for an answer from any of the girls.

"Lily, can we talk?" James asked, stepping into the compartment with one leg.

"Excuse _you_, now you can get the hell out," Daisy said.

"I wasn't talking to you," James said, rolling his eyes. Daisy was seething, but held back. The boy turned back to Lily. "So… Lily. Can we?" he asked.

Mary just shrugged when James looked at her for help; she was done helping him.

"Seriously, Lily, let's just talk a little," James said, pleading. "I want to talk to you. I think we need to,"

"I think Daisy's right," Lily said. "And you should leave. In case you didn't see, Alice has a problem and she's a bit more important than you,"

"Oh, ouch," he said mockingly. "I guess we aren't gonna get married then,"

The words hurt; James could see it and he burst into a wide grin. Why was he so intent on causing pain?, Lily wondered.

"Lay off, Potter, you wouldn't be able to walk to the altar with that limp," Daisy snapped.

"Oh yeah, that reminds me, I see you have made friends with another one of my exes," James said. "I guess you joined the club of the lonely, single and desperate."

Lily was brimming with anger. "Leave it, Lily, he's not worth it," Alice said between silent sobs and sniffles.

"Sucks to be a has-been, doesn't it?" James went on taunting her. "But I guess you'll just have to get used to it from now on. No one wants to marry a slut anyway,"

"She's not a slut for sleeping with one person!" Mary snapped suddenly. All eyes turned to her. She seemed a bit intimidated by the attention, but went on anyway angrily, "You're the one who should be ashamed. You fed her all these lies and she only slept with you because you were so intent on marrying her."

"Yeah, I guess I lied, sorry," James said sarcastically, shrugging, turning back to Lily. "You weren't even a good fuck, you know, by the way, _Evans_. But at least you weren't as used as that Catherine girl was,"

"Why are you doing this?" Lily asked, disbelieving. "Is it because they hexed you? Not my fault half the school hates you as it is. I gave you a chance – and you blew it. I'm done with you. _Please_ just leave," she said, trying to be civil.

She wasn't used to verbally abusing people; James had much more experience with that than her and didn't want to engage in a battle of insults when she was low on ammunition. She decided to take what people called the 'high road' and 'be the better person.'

"Huh," James said. "It's cute how you pretend to be over me, it really is. But I saw how you were crying when I dumped you. You're not fooling anyone; I know this is just an act,"

"You really aren't worth it, James," Lily said, unable to take it any longer, truly meaning it. "Just look at the way you're acting right now! Who would want to marry _this_? Like, no offence – but actually, I don't care if you get offended! You're a bad person. You push away the people who want the best for you, and if that's what you want, do it. But I'm done with you. I'm not sorry for not being together with someone who acts like _this_. I was in love with the guy I met in the beginning, not this arrogant toerag! Please, just leave, we're not interested in you at all! We don't care what you have to say. We're all done with you. Just leave."

James looked around at the assembled girls who had been his sort-of friends for as long as he had been dating Lily. He acknowledged their unfriendly and downright hateful expressions (in the case of Alice and Daisy), and he said, "Well, I don't care about you either anymore, _bitch_," he said before banging the compartment door shut. The girls burst out laughing when they saw him limp away with as much dignity as he could muster. When he was out of sight, Daisy turned back to the girls and shook her head.

"Seriously, what was he thinking?" Daisy said, snorting. "I have always known he was a joke, but the nerve of that guy-"

Then suddenly they all seemed to collectively notice how down Lily looked. "Oh my God," Mary and Daisy said in unison, though Daisy sounded exasperated whereas Mary was empathetic. Alice hugged Lily close, and Lily wiped the tears from the corner of her eyes. "I'm done; I am so done with him."

"Good for you," Daisy said. Lily understood the look on her face: _You should be, and you should also start acting like it then,_ it seemed to say. Mary just looked at Lily, not knowing whether to call her out on the lie and comfort her or let her gather her strength or if she even had any strength left to gather.

"It's OK, I'm OK," Lily said, smiling at Mary. "I'm really fine. I didn't lose anything or anyone important or valuable," she said, but with the words she only felt like she was making her own pain worse. But what else was she supposed to say in this situation? That she wasn't fine? She couldn't afford to be sad, or so she felt.

"Exactly," Alice said, sniffling. "They lost someone who truly loved them, on the other hand; so even if right they don't regret it just now, when they're in between girls like Catherine who care even less about them than they do about her, they're going to regret being sluts,"

Lily forced herself to smile.

The rest of the train ride went by without incident. A few people came around to inquire whether she was really crying as James was telling anyone, or whether she really had hexed James into the next century; she calmly explained to everyone what had really happened, resenting James all the while for so actively trying to ruin her reputation. But she decided not to play along and stopped Daisy from going to hex James as well. She didn't want to have to do anything with him; everything related to him caused her a tremendous amount of pain. She had to cut him off; it was the right thing to do, even if this was equally painful as playing along.

The first cut is always the deepest, she told herself; it is only going to get better from here.


	5. I Know What You Did Last Summer

Lily had expected her spring break, and then later on her summer vacation, to be as amazing as the movies made them out to be. She decided she was going to party; it was something she hadn't done much of so far, to avoid being labeled as a 'bad girl' and 'easy.' But all her attempts at being good had been futile thus far; she had already slept with someone, and she would no longer be the sweet, innocent girl guys daydreamed about. Or jerked off to, as Catherine would have tastelessly put it. But tasteless was good – it was different. It was a break from all the fakeness that surrounds being a girl. Girls are no different than guys; they are different in how they are raised, which impacts their personalities, and their physical appearances are different too. However, Daisy was as tough and muscular as guys were stereotyped to be (even though most guys actually had the bodies of scrawny twelve-year olds), and Catherine was even more of a player than James. James only slept with people; Catherine, somehow, got them obsessed.

It was mind-blowing, and a quality that raised Catherine's esteem in her eyes. She had had so much trouble getting her first boyfriend hooked to her after the initial few months, despite being the stereotype of the innocent virgin every guy was supposed to dream about, and Catherine was able to get conservative men like Frank obsessed with her despite her worldly ways. Or perhaps he had become so conservative because of how much Catherine's rejection had hurt him… and thought that an innocent virgin girl wouldn't have tricks like Catherine's up her sleeve. Hmm. Lily thought this to be more likely; there was so much she didn't know about Frank, and given his history of a stalker, she could imagine him as anything.

That was the moment Lily decided that even if Catherine was cold and cruel, an ice queen who used others, it was still a better thing to be than the damsel in distress she had been. The type of person who expects another to save her, to fulfill her, to meet all her needs. In reality, guys didn't want someone like that; if they did, Lily would have been as popular amongst the guys as Catherine was.

Sure, Catherine slept with lots of men, and one could argue that was the sole reason men sought her company; but most of them also got hurt, obsessed with her, and then hurt some more. Lily didn't know how hurt James had been by Catherine; but judging by his personality, and by the amount of trash he talked about her behind her back after their one-night-stand, he probably had been more hurt than he would ever admit. James was a damaged boy; it was obvious to anyone who knew him. It was probably obvious to his friends too; perhaps womanizing and their childhood memories were the only things that had still held them together. James had, during their happier months, talked about how they were slowly falling apart because they were changing and going in very different ways.

Sirius Black was tired of rebelling against his parents and being humiliated all the time; he was starting to adhere to their puristic views as a consequence. He reasoned this by saying that without his inheritance and fortune, he was nothing. He needed it, at least until he got a respectable job. Breaking off from his family could wait until then; pretending for a few years was better than living as a jobless homeless for the rest of his life anyway. He refused all help from his friends, probably not trusting in their good intentions.

Remus Lupin was getting more and more immersed in his schoolwork nearing their final year; he had never been a very smart boy, he was only very intelligent and very diligent. If he wouldn't be hard-working, he would probably have had mediocre grades like Peter Pettigrew, the fourth addition that completed the Marauders. Remus was very dedicated; James couldn't find the motivation to follow his example, something that made him quite discontent with himself as well.

Lily had been surprised by all these tidbits of information; on the surface, James never let it show, and the disruption in the four boys' friendship wasn't obvious either. James lived a life that had seemed perfect on the outside, and had probably once been perfect too, but was slowly falling apart on the inside. Lily wondered whether his friendships would crumble as soon as his relationships did. He certainly was no longer motivated to keep the group together, and that was never a good sign when it came to a rocky relationship.

It was hard not to obsess about thoughts of revenge when everyday she was reminded of the fact she was no longer a virgin, and somehow no longer that desirable; she didn't feel bad about it, however, and that is why this social phenomenon boggled her mind. She was still the same person. She hadn't lost her _innocence_; one loses her innocence when she starts to do bad things. And making love – for she had been in love – could no way be considered as something bad. Catherine was valuable too; she was smart, cunning, beautiful, and kissed the boys and made them cry, as they say. She felt no different; she could see one of the many ways society was flawed, and how sex, through religion, had come to be thought of as something 'impure' and 'bad', but it really wasn't so. Lying to someone and hurting them on purpose was bad. Sleeping together with the one you loved wasn't.

She was made more valuable, in her own opinion, the same way Tuney had been; the disappointment had turned Petunia into a better person who didn't lash out on others randomly, for example, because that was one of the reasons her boyfriend had broken up with her. Petunia had ever since been trying to become a better person; if anything, she had become more 'innocent' after her first relationship, in the sense that she was less malevolent and two-faced.

When it came to her – she had become stronger. And a strong person is more valuable than an emotional weakling. She refused to think of herself as any less valuable because someone had left her; there, another flaw with mainstream thinking. Somehow, she would still be valuable if she would have stayed together with James and married him and stayed the annoying, whiny weakling she now admitted she had been. An emotionally easily abused girl and a bastard? Oh, what a combination. No wonder it hadn't worked out.

This was the first time Lily had felt extreme resentment with the way society worked.

This disappointment took an effect on her relationships too; she started spending less time with Mary, Alice and Daisy, and started hanging out with Reid, Catherine and their other friends. Lily found she fit in with them quite easily; they were the same. Revolutionists, in a way, as big as the word sounded; they rebelled against the constraints of society that were useless. Lily felt good and free in their company, for their spirits were equally free and their thinking less restrained than that of her friends'.

She drank, partied, and Mary ended up losing it during a drunken escapade. Mary, to her greatest surprise, didn't seem to care; she felt liberated, free, and powerful for the first time in her life. Deep down, she had always wanted to be strong, and she had known she was weak, and adhered to the costumes passed down to her by her parents, not because she understood and agreed to them, but because her parents were strong and she was very manageable; for the first time, however, she had done something that her parents wouldn't approve of, and she felt as though it gave her back the power that her parents had taken away from her. She did regret not having lost it in a real relationship afterwards, but decided it was only because of what her parents had drilled into her head from day one. Lily thought it probably was, judging by how much Mary hadn't actually cared about sleeping with someone for the first time initially.

Lily realized that by putting importance on someone's virginity, they were devaluing that person, whether male or female. Virginity, just like people's first loves, is a romanticized concept. A virgin isn't necessarily a pure-hearted person, and someone who had lost her virginity isn't like the girls in the corners of the street selling their bodies either. Life wasn't that simple.

One day, people will let go of believing a person is pure just because she is a virgin, just like they had let go of the equally foolish notion that when it thunders, it is because God is angry. The two were as unrelated as someone's virginity was to their worth as a person.

James, despite the number of people he had slept with, had values too; but the things that made him a bad person wasn't that he had slept with many girls, but the way he treated the people – boys and girls alike – who he came in contact with, even those whom he interacted with on a daily basis. One action cannot make someone unworthy; a series of actions that form a habit, however, are the ones that determine the value of a person morally.

However, with each passing decade, people were becoming smarter and were starting to let go of their past ways and their outdated thinking. Lily knew she couldn't change the world and everyone in it, but she was hopeful – no, certain – that the day no one valued virginity, no one confused idiocy with manliness, an inferiority complex for confidence, was coming closer.

Until then, she would 'screw the world and throw herself a fucking party.'

* * *

After the wild, endless summer nights, returning to Hogwarts was shocking for the girls. No more sleeping till noon. Lots more responsibilities. Robes and uniforms instead of shorts and sundresses. No more parties and most of all, a lot more classes.

"I absolutely despise Hogwarts," Lily said, her makeup smeared and her hair looking like a bird's nest. This combined with her orderly and neatly ironed schoolrobes was quite a sight to see. "I want summer. I want drinks. I want parties. I want sleeping till two in the afternoon. I want half-naked boys washing my car for me and massaging my legs and painting my toenails at five am in the morning and proposing to me in foreign languages,"

Well, yes, the summer had been quite eventful.

Daisy chuckled, pouring milk into her mug. Unlike her friend, her hair was in place and much more orderly. She was the only one who hadn't already lost her virginity besides Alice in her group of friends. It surprised Lily because she thought Daisy would be the one to have least amount of objections to promiscuity, given how boyish she already was. How sad that promiscuity is considered manly, even if it just as equally feminine, she thought. Or at least, would have thought during the summer. She just didn't care anymore in all actuality. She loved her life too much to be bothered by people who were simply on a different intellectual level when it came to sensual things. She felt infinitely wise knowing all these things about sex and relationships that many of the ignorant religious girls had no idea about and probably would have no idea about anyway.

"You should have left the party at midnight like I did," Daisy said, sipping from her mug. She had also become more feminine in the way she presented herself; no more uncombed hair, no more bad breath in the morning, no more unshaved legs. She was still as aggressive though. Lily presumed that there were some things that truly never changed.

"I didn't want to leave at midnight," Lily said. "You have no idea how much fun it was,"

"What did you guys do?" Daisy asked, grinning.

Lily just stared at her, then burst out laughing. "Oh my Lord, I don't even remember," she said, laughing.

"Too much Firewhiskey?" Daisy inquired with a coy smile.

"Not enough, actually," Lily said. "Screw Catherine, by the way, and that she doesn't have morning classes. Why can't the same person who put together the Hufflepuff timetable put the Gryffindor timetable together too?"

"McGonagall's too oldschool for that," Daisy said.

"More like too old," Lily snapped.

"You're mean when you're hungover," Daisy said.

"Life's a bitch, so am I, that is why my life is awesome," Lily said jocosely. "That is my philosophy. Got a problem with it?"

"Not at all," Daisy said with a grin. "Should I pour you some milk, your hands are shaking like you have Parkinson syndrome,"

"I just need some of that stuff that makes the hangover go away," Lily wailed.

"Too bad they don't give that out freely here at Hogwarts, the sanctuary for virgins and virtues, and you have ran out of it," Daisy commented dryly.

"I know," Lily whined, pulling faces. Daisy just grinned, shaking her head, and started buttering a piece of bread for herself.

Mary came over to them and sat down besides Lily. "Hello everyone," she said brightly. Her hair was neatly combed, her makeup looked perfect, and she looked like she had slept at least twelve hours.

"How do you look so fresh?" Lily asked, rubbing her temples. She looked like such a martyr, Daisy thought, though she was only hungover. She found this highly amusing.

"Oh, I got some of that stuff that the girls use to make their hangover go away," Mary said innocently. "Want some? I still got some up in my dorm,"

"Why haven't you told me?" Lily asked, her eyes frantic.

"Jesus, Lily, you look mad scary like that. Don't look at me like that!" Mary said, scooting back in her chair.

"Why haven't you told me you still had some on stash?" Lily went on, disregarding Mary's comment, her voice disbelieving.

"I didn't know you needed some," Mary said defensively, raising her arm to put an obstacle between the crazy-eyed Lily and herself. Daisy laughed to herself, watching the scene. Her drunk friends were really so amusing.

"I do, of course I do, oh my God, I spent the entire last night at a freaking Hufflepuff dorm party," Lily said. "You have no idea how much I need it,"

"You really have no idea," Daisy said. "I have been sitting here with her for about fifteen minutes; trust me, she does need it,"

"Alright, I'll get it for you," Mary said. "Just get off me already, Jesus, really, you're damn creepy like that. Stop looking at me like that or I won't get it for you!"

Lily still looked at her as a zombie would look at brains.

Mary looked truly horrified.

Then Lily randomly burst out laughing. "Alright, I was exaggerating a bit. I won't look at you like that. And thank you – you're a lifesaver!"

"Alright, no problem," Mary said. "Can you walk? Because then come with me, I don't wanna get it alone,"

Lily shook her head. "Just look at my hands," she said by way of explanation when Mary raised an eyebrow at her. She raised her arm, which was shaking uncontrollably. "Jesus," Mary said. "I'll get it for you," Mary said, then sped off.

"Oh, she's such a sweetheart," Lily said. "I love her,"

"I take it back. You're not mean when you're hungover, you're just overly emotional," Daisy said. "And that was really random and weird,"

"You're just jealous," Lily said, wrinkling her nose at her.

Daisy just laughed. Yes, she was, but she would never admit it. She had become too 'feminine' and open about her feelings anyway. She had to retain some of her essence; if she wasn't the aggressive Daisy, what would she be? The vulnerable Daisy? The girly Daisy? She was afraid of the mere thought.

She was equally closed off about opening her heart to somebody; she found men sexually appealing, but other than objects of her affection, she had no respect for them, and didn't think she would ever have enough respect to let someone in.

The reason she hadn't slept with anyone during the summer was because she didn't want someone she had no respect for her to get to know her intimately in any way – whether mentally or physically, it was all the same to her. To her, sex was a very intimate thing, as intimate as telling someone your most-guarded secrets, and it would have been against everything she believed in if she would have let someone in more than her own best friends, especially someone undeserving. This was the way she expressed her feelings and her loyalty – in small, unnoticeable, silent ways.

* * *

The Herbology lesson the Gryffindors had with the Slytherins passed uneventfully. Daisy kept making jokes about turning the Herbology classroom into a meth lab, Lily and Mary often burst out laughing at inappropriate times during the teacher's monologue, but fortunately Professor Bimms was a kind-hearted woman and didn't take off points from their House and only scolded them. Lily was more than grateful for this even if her continuously rowdy behavior failed to show her thankfulness. Lily felt bad for openly disrespecting the otherwise kind professor, but she just couldn't help herself; towards the middle of the lesson, however, thankfully Daisy started running out of Herbology-related jokes and the three of them could complete their class assignments peacefully and efficiently. Madame Binns congratulated them on their work at the end of class, but pulled them aside after everybody had left to give them a warning about their behavior.

"I don't mind if you talk," the professor began. "I know what young girls are like. Especially you three," she said, not without a note of fondness in her voice. "I just don't want to notice it when people don't pay attention in my class. Do it quietly, and I won't scold you. But if you keep this up, I'll have to take off points from you, and I don't think you want that, do you? Especially you, Evans; you're a prefect. You're supposed to set an example."

Lily nodded vehemently and the three girls resolved to not pay attention less obviously during her class. Lily thought the woman was an insanely cool person, and hoped she would be as fun and most of all, humane even twenty years into the future.

The rest of the day passed much the same way; spazzing out during classes, getting themselves together when the professor was starting to get really pissed with their unruly behavior. Lily knew she couldn't keep this kind of attitude up if she wanted to keep her Prefect badge, but it was hard to snap out of the summer lifestyle. It was equally hard to snap out for the usually quiet and obedient Mary.

Daisy, however, never acted drunk or tired or hungover no matter how much she had drank the previous night. She was too tough to show any kind of vulnerability. Lily admired this about her, even if she was quite pissed at her for putting up an act - not just when it came to this, but to every emotion-related thing -, but being friends was about accepting a friend's shortcomings as much as their positive attributes. She only hoped Daisy would open up to her one day because as a friend, she cared about her and wanted to be as close to her as Daisy was to her – but if one day she would discover the part of her personality that Daisy was keeping secret, would the dynamics their friendship change for the better, or the worse?

* * *

The night they were patrolling the corridors from ten to midnight with Remus was the first time Lily was reminded of James Potter's existence. Her summer had been so eventful that there had been no time for moping and no space left for bad memories in her brain.

Remus and Lily were talking amicably as they always had even after Lily and James had broken it off; the two weren't very close, but they always had fun when they were together.

"You look like you haven't slept in days," Remus said.

"I know," Lily said. "It's because I haven't," she said, and they both laughed. "But finally, I look as worn out as you do, for a change," she said jocosely.

Remus punched her in the arm.

"Ouch! That actually hurt you know, jerk," Lily said, punching him right back.

"That didn't," Remus said, wincing.

"Sure it didn't," Lily said, laughing.

"It didn't," Remus insisted, and Lily just grinned at him. "Besides, the reason _I_ look worn out is completely different from the reason why _you_ look worn out,"

"I know," Lily said. "I have become a bad girl," she said, laughing, because she didn't think she had become a bad girl at all for finally letting loose this summer.

"I know, I have been hearing stuff," Remus said. "Not good stuff. But I know… I know you're not like that. I mean, you're a good person," Remus said, looking into Lily's eyes. Lily turned away, feeling uncomfortable, and much more somber by the change of topic.

"What have you been hearing?" Lily asked, her eyes wide and vulnerable. Remus felt sorry for bringing the topic up.

"Not good stuff, Lily, really," he said. "I mean… I don't think sleeping around makes you a bad person. James and Sirius do it all the time, but they get no hate, so why should you? I mean, I'm not going to hate on you. Sirius and James are much worse people than you are, anyway,"

"Then why do you hang with them?" Lily asked, no longer wanting to talk about herself. And she was genuinely curious; she had used to wonder about this often because seemingly, the boys had very little in common.

"I don't really hang out with them, anymore, actually," Remus admitted after a short silence. "We have become very distant during the summer. Nothing is really holding us together, you know. James only cares about sleeping with girls, Sirius only cares about money anymore, and I… well, I am just trying to fit in and find my place and make responsible choices for my future, you know," He shrugged. "Peter is the only one I even talk to anymore out of all of them; it's funny how we used to be such good friends, friends forever, we said, but now all we're left with is… nothing," He looked hurt and vulnerable.

Lily honestly didn't know how to respond to this; they had never been that close, but Remus, especially with his old friends out of the picture, was letting her in. It would have been downright evil to hurt them by refusing to even hear them out when they were putting themselves at risk by opening up to anyone. A rejection of trust was never a wise choice anyway. She patted him on the shoulder gently; Remus looked up at her and smiled, his grey eyes filled with genuine gratitude. Lily smiled back at him warmly.

Remus stopped in his tracks unexpectedly and gave Lily a hug, even more unexpectedly. Lily awkwardly put her arms around him too and petted his back, feeling weird.

"Sorry," Remus said, scratching the back of his head in embarrassment, once he let go of her. "I'm just… no one has acted this kind to me since… well… since forever, actually. I'm sorry, I just needed a little warmth,"

Lily nodded in understanding. Remus had always been the weakest out of the Marauders emotionally, and he didn't really have many friends besides the Marauders anyway; the breakup of the exclusive boygroup surely was much harder on him than his other friends. In any case, he was surely the one out of the four of them who would be most open about his feelings. This made Lily respect him; a guy who goes against the social norm and is able to express his emotions, even if only so awkwardly. She wasn't used to guys being so emotional, and it felt a bit weird to her, but she still respected Remus for opening up to her like that.

"You don't have to explain," Lily said. "I understand,"

"Thank you," Remus said, genuinely grateful. They walked in silence for awhile, looking around attentively for possible stray students.

"By the way," Remus said. "James has been talking about you a lot, actually. He's jealous that you moved on so quickly,"

Lily snorted. She waited for a feeling to come – any, negative or positive, didn't matter. However, she felt nothing at the mention of his name and the fact that he could be missing her. She was completely over him; it seemed her feelings for him had slowly withered away during the summer when she wasn't even paying attention to them. "I really don't care," Lily said. She couldn't even feel guilty.

Remus considered her for a moment, then seemed to decide he believed her. "You really don't, do you," he said instead of asking. "It's… it's weird; I had expected you to be much more shaken by the breakup. But I'm glad you aren't… I just feel sorry for James," he said, laughing. "He spent the summer pretty much alone, you know. Wondering about you. Waiting for you to run back to him. He was so sure you would,"

Lily genuinely didn't understand why he would stay home if he was so sure. Oh, well; James would forever remain a damaged little enigma no one wanted to solve. Or at least, definitely not her.

"Do we have to talk about him?" Lily asked. "I think I'd much rather listen to Slughorn drone on about _his _summer again than this," she said, referring to Slughorn's monologue on the first day of classes, a monologue which he had given everyone, bragging about all the famous people and the important places and events he had met and attended during the summer. Remus laughed.

"Oh, God," Remus said. "I love his stories."

"Sometimes I think that's all they are," Lily said. "But then he makes the class pass the photos around… and then I'm just… mind-blown," she said.

"It's funny how he does that," Remus said. "He thinks he's so important,"

Lily laughed. "He is important, don't you know, he met with the Minister for Magic during the Paris Press Conference," she said derisively, and the two of them burst out laughing even louder.

About an hour later they were finally done with their patrols and were free to return to their dormitories.

"I guess I didn't sleep tonight either," Lily said, looking at the time on the clock fastened to the wall. "Although for a completely different reason. An academic one, this time,"

Remus laughed then helped her climb through the portrait hole. He had never acted so oldschool gentleman with her before, and she didn't know what to make of it. Actually, she knew exactly what to make of it, she just didn't want to think of him as a potential suitor or even just a 'fan.'

Remus gave her a kiss on the cheek when bidding her goodnight, and she smiled awkwardly at him, which seemed to melt his heart judging by the look in his baggy grey eyes. Lily felt so sorry for him; as much as she respected him, as much as she was secretly irritated out by his inexplicable behavior, seeing someone look this worn out made one's chest constrict with empathy. She was torn between hugging him again, chancing leading him on, or just saying goodbye without further ado. She chose the latter, not wanting to play with the unfortunate boy's feelings; his life was already a mess as it was, and she didn't want to hurt him further. That wasn't what she was all about.

Lily walked up to her dormitory and entered her room, careful not to wake her already sleeping friends. Her thoughts raced from Remus to her summer and back to the sad and vulnerable girl she had been before her sixteenth birthday who pined after a boy like James Potter; she got to no conclusions and soon fell asleep, unable to wait for tomorrow to tell her friends about everything that had happened. She wasn't sure how she felt about these new events, and her friends could help her see things a bit more objectively when her own mind was so cluttered.

She wished she didn't need sleep. It took her a long time to finally fall asleep too; she had grown to hate sleep, because she considered it time wasted. For the first time in her life, her life was better than her dreams, and as much as her body needed sleep, she never wanted to put her life on hold, if even just for a second.

* * *

A/N: I know I update quickly, but I have so much inspiration it's hard not to. Tell me what you think about this chapter. Reviews are love! :)

By the way, what couples do you foresee (or want) to happen in the future? What do you think about Mary and Lily's development? What do you think is going to happen with James, and what do you want to happen personally?

We are going to see more of Reid, Catherine and Alice (and Remus) in the upcoming chapters.

xoxo


	6. Heaven is a Place on Earth

A/N: Reposted because I fixed grammatical and spelling errors. The chapter is more enjoyable to read this way. Sorry for the inconvenience.

* * *

_Heaven is a place on earth with you_  
_Tell me all the things you wanna do_  
_Honey, I heard you like the bad girls, is that true?_

Heaven is a Place on Earth - Lana del Rey

* * *

Remus walked back to his dormitory with a smile on his face. He was happy with himself for pushing his boundaries and daring to make a move; he could tell Lily had been uncomfortable, but she was so pretty, she was so kind, she was so _experienced,_ he simply wanted her. He had always wanted Lily, and it honestly didn't bother him that she had slept with James before. Sure, it was her first time, but at least when they slept together, instead of forced, awkward, and scary, their first time would be mind-blowing because they knew what they were doing. Besides, James deserved to see her move on with one of his friends; he knew he owed a lot to James, but there were also a lot of things he had done to make Remus resent him. Whether he committed these acts on purpose or not, Remus would never knew; he was never able to tell, but if he didn't realize how hurtful some of his remarks and actions had been, than James Potter was even more of an idiot than he knew.

And he was already idiotic enough to let Lily Evans go; the girl had gotten skinnier, prettier, and even cooler over the summer. It was obvious she didn't care what people thought of her, she just went and did her thing, and it was refreshing to be in her company for this reason. Remus didn't necessarily want to be her last – he doubted she would ever settle down with him – but he knew he wanted her and that was all he could think about recently, ever since he had heard that she had finally moved on from James (because he hadn't wanted to be a rebound only. No one dreamed of that.)

The werewolf had always wanted her, but something had just happened after her breakup with James that made his feelings for her intensify; she was finally free, in every sense of the world. She let go of wanting to please everybody, and allowed her true personality to finally shine through. She became less needy and more fun to be around; the happiness shone through and made her a more attractive person too.

She had changed from a needy, nervous girl into a confident young woman. Remus Lupin didn't care what he was supposed to want according to his mother; he wanted this new version of Lily, 'proper' or not, 'used' or not.

* * *

Lily was awakened by her friends the following morning.

"Get up, get up, we have Arithmancy in about thirty minutes!" Mary said, shaking her awake. "I slept in too. We really have to hurry if we want to get breakfast before class!"

"No," Lily said, snapping Mary's hand away, and pulling her blanket above her head. "I don't want…" then she trailed off, probably falling back asleep.

"Don't want what?" Mary said, then shook her again. The redhead refused to budge.

"Daisy," Lily finally mumbled against her pillow. "Where's she?"

"She already left because she has Divination," Mary said, pulling the covers off of her, and making her start wailing. "Seriously, Lily, start getting yourself together, I am already dressed!"

Lily wailed some more, punched her pillow in frustration, then threw it at Mary when she realized it wasn't a good enough outlet for her frustration. "Hey," Mary said, then threw the pillow right back at her friend irritably.

"I don't want to go," Lily continued to whine.

Mary looked at her wristwatch, then stomped on the floor in utter frustration. "Seriously, Lily, get up and get dressed! I don't want to be late for our next lesson,"

Finally, Lily grudgingly got ready, brushed her teeth super quickly, put her hair up in a ponytail and put on her school robes and uniform on, then the two rushed down with their backpacks to their next lesson. They definitely had no time for breakfast, as Lily hadn't even packed her backpack for the day and Mary had to help her find all the necessary school books so she wouldn't have to rush back to the dorm after every single class and risk being late for the next one. They arrived for time just in time as the teacher was fortunately late. Alice had saved them two seats in the row before the last; as they walked to their seats, she could feel the hateful glares from her classmates. 'Last to arrive, but still gets a good seat.' Only Alice could have saved them such good seats; she was the only one aggressive enough to scare everyone off from just taking their place because they weren't there.

"Oh my God, thank you so much," Lily said, sitting down beside the blonde in question. "It would have sucked to sit in the first row," Alice smiled back at her, but before she could reply a girl sitting in front of them turned back and interrupted their conversation.

"Why do you always look like you're hungover, Evans?" she said, her voice laced with animosity. The girl in question had frizzy brown hair, bright green eyes and braces. The girl's stare was so judgmental that it angered Lily; in her easily irritable, tired state, she was unable to reply nicely.

"Sorry, bucktooth, I don't think I owe you an explanation," the redhead replied snappishly, folding her arms in front of her chest.

"You really are a bitch," the girl opinioned, visibly offended.

"I'm sorry, who the hell are you again?" Lily asked, getting sick of being judged. "Oh my God, I know who you are," she said when it suddenly dawned on her. "You're James's friend, aren't you? Well, not that he even knows you exist, but you have always fawned over him anyway. Too bad he wouldn't care whether you lived or died, he still wouldn't shag you in a million years anyway because you look like Slughorn's lovechild,"

The girl, namely Frederica Simone, gaped back at her incredulously. Gasping, looking like she was on the verge of tears, beyond offended, she turned away. Lily smiled cattily and got her parchment and ink and quill ready just in time before the teacher came in, apologizing for being late, then commencing the lesson. Mary grinned at her, proud of her for dissing the unkind girl, it was only Alice who seemed to have a problem.

"What?" Lily mouthed when she saw the way Alice was eyeing her. Alice just shook her head, then tore a piece of her parchment off and wrote a note to her that said: _That was way too Catherine of you._

"So?" Lily mouthed after reading the note.

Catherine took the piece of parchment back and wrote on the back of it: _You're becoming too much like her. Everybody hates her, you know._

Lily's first impulse was to crumple the piece of parchment and throw it away; that would have expressed what she had thought about Alice's opinion. However, instead, she decided to write on the margin of Alice's parchment. _Stop it. I know you don't like her, but she's our friend now. She already apologized to you; she had a problem with Frank, and not you. I am not becoming like her; I don't want to be the type of girl who is unable to think of a comeback and is a victim all the time. It doesn't pay off to be a nice and shy girl. I made this choice for myself, and if you have a problem, take it out on me and not Catherine. I like who I am right now; if you don't like me now, don't blame Catherine but blame me. What you're doing right now is ridiculous._

Alice, even if she got along well enough with Reid, still couldn't make peace with Catherine, despite the fact that they had made the latter apologize to Alice several times. Catherine had explained on numerous occasions that she only snapped at Alice because the young girl had snapped at her first, and even if she didn't usually like dissing girls (she was too good at it, on the other hand), she wouldn't let herself be humiliated. This explanation and apology didn't suffice for Alice, however, and never would. Alice also blamed every little thing she disliked about Lily's character development on Catherine; but of course she didn't praise Catherine for the things she liked about the 'new Lily.' Alice was doing everything to make the others hate Catherine, but they simply thought that her behavior was childish. It was starting to take a toll on Lily's relationship with her; after Catherine, Lily had become the second on her black list, because it was through her that Catherine had become part of their group. Alice didn't fit in with Lily's new lifestyle or her new friends, and she blamed the fact that Daisy and Mary were changing on her too. Alice was afraid of losing her friends, and as usual, instead of making compromises, she expected others to make compromises and do what she wanted. Alice was just like that, and Lily was starting to get sick of it.

Alice put the scroll of parchment away and got out a new and empty one and started writing on it without a reply. When she noticed Lily staring at her, she turned to her, shrugged, putting on an act of nonchalance, and returned to taking notes.

Despite the fact that Alice had been an ass, Lily still didn't want to lose her friendship; one cannot throw five years (now nearly six) out the window just like that. She knew she would miss Alice, despite what a pain the latter had recently been. And perhaps, Alice did have a point; she was starting to become more and more like Catherine. She just couldn't see the problem with that, as she secretly adored Catherine in a similar way that Frederica Simone adored James Potter, without the romantic involvement. But for her it was different, she told herself; she and Catherine were actually friends, while the same couldn't be said about Frederica and James.

Lily started a new parchment too; her old one was full.

* * *

Lily decided to wait until lunch to tell her friends about Remus's awkward attempts at flirting. They always discussed these kinds of things with each other; they often laughed at boys and their stupidity, and otherwise they offered each other advice on how to deal with situations that got out of hand, or in relationships that mattered to them. Believe it or not, Catherine was currently in a relationship! She was dating a seventh year by the name of Amos Diggory, who, according to Slughorn at least, had one of the brightest futures amongst the members of the Slug Club. The professor had very much encouraged their relationship because besides Diggory, Catherine was his other favorite. The Potionsmaster was absolutely smitten with her charms, her intellect and her beauty. He knew that with her gifts, Catherine Callaghan would inevitably go far.

During lunch, Lily, Daisy, Mary and Catherine were sitting at the Gryffindor table. Catherine had made out passionately with Diggory before taking her place amongst the girls, and she seemed even more smug than usual.

"He isn't really that handsome, you know," Lily said, wrinkling her nose. It was unfair that Catherine could always find a guy, and a quality one at that, when she wanted a relationship, but Lily, on the other hand, was only fawned over by guys whom she wanted absolutely nothing to do with. Like Remus Lupin. She almost felt ashamed to bring him up after seeing Hogwarts' new it boy and girl display their love publicly just moments before.

Catherine grinned. "You're just jealous," she said matter-of-factly.

Lily laughed nervously. "I'll admit I am," she said honestly. "He's really handsome, actually. I think you guys go together," She decided that no matter how hard it was to repress the poisonous feeling of jealousy, there was no place for it in a friendship. She didn't want their friendship to be ruined by something so pitiful, anyway.

"Thank you," Catherine said with a genuine smile; sometimes, the ice queen melted with genuine emotion. But her usual, calm, unreadable expression was back in no time; under unreadable, of course, we are to understand that you could only see what she wanted you to see. Catherine could conceal any emotion perfectly most of the time; consequently, if she didn't want to let you in, you would never know her secrets. In that aspect, she was very much like Daisy. Lily wondered how her two friends were able to keep this up; she, unlike them, was always very warm and very open about her feelings and thoughts with the group. She guessed this is why she was the one who held the group together, but at times she still felt weak for not being to keep her emotions bottled up and her secrets all to herself.

"I'd like to see you get a boyfriend," Catherine said suddenly. "All of you. Being in a relationship is so much fun,"

"Ugh," Mary groaned. "Who wants a relationship? Who wants a boy? Who wants that kind of responsibility?"

Catherine grinned. "That's just a phase, you'll get over it," she said knowledgeably. "Trust me, relationships can be really great," she went on, smiling at Mary.

Mary smiled back at her. Everyone had gotten used to Catherine's misunderstandable comments and sometimes cold attitude, and accepted it because they knew that deep down she was a good person who wished them well and who would never hurt them. Catherine was very selective about the people she befriended, and they even felt as though it was a gift to have been chosen by her. Being with Catherine came with privileges; privileges, luxuries, and hot boys. Catherine would also walk through fire to protect those whom she loved, which made putting up with her mood swings even more worth it.

In comparison, Lily sometimes felt as interesting as a piece of cardboard. Lily told herself she was completely different from Catherine and people liked her for different reasons than they liked Catherine, but that didn't mean either of them was worth more than the other. There was no use for comparison, she kept telling herself, without believing her own words. Anyway, comparison was the root of all self-esteem problems, and God only knew she had had enough of those in the past to last a lifetime.

"I'm sure they _can_ be," Mary said cynically. "You've become weird since you started dating him. You've become like this cheesy romance movie version of yourself,"

Everybody at the table laughed. "So what if I am temporarily becoming a better person because of my partner?" Catherine asked. "Lasts for as long as it lasts, then I'll go back to being Queen Bitch," she said, grinning. This made the others laugh. They adored Catherine, and didn't want her to change. She inspired them to be stronger, meaner and more successful in their studies as well as their love lives.

Lily supposed this was how things would go. Mary, who had developed an aversion to relationships and was enjoying her irresponsible lifestyle immensely, grinned at Catherine appreciatively. It was amazing how tough Mary had become over the course of the summer; it was amazing how a person could completely change over the course of only three months; the summer of 1977 had changed them all to a certain extent, too. It would definitely go down as one of their most memorable summers together, Lily thought.

"But," Catherine said. "I am thinking of marrying him," she finished, lowering her voice. Mary's grin froze on her face.

The news shocked everybody; Catherine just giggled awkwardly, going red in embarrassment.

"What?" Mary said, her eyes wide with disbelief. "That is so not Catherine Callaghan of you,"

"I know," the blonde said, playing with her hair. "But… I'm done. I've had my fun. I have been partying and doing the nasty since fourth year. I'm done with it. I'm ready to settle down. Besides, it's not like next to all the studying I'll have time for fooling around," she said, shrugging, as though this was no big deal. To her, it probably wasn't; but she hadn't anticipated her friends' reaction this news bomb.

"So how will you have time for a relationship then? I heard that takes much more effort and time," Mary said.

Catherine laughed. "I love how you added 'I heard' to that sentence, it's like relationships are these mythical creatures or something," she said, grinning.

Mary grinned. "Never had one before," she said proudly.

"Don't rush it unless you're ready for it," Catherine said, shrugging. "It's only good once you've gone through the fun phase. If you didn't, you won't be able to appreciate a relationship as much; I know it felt like a prison when I was fourteen," Catherine said. "I guess it's different for everybody, but for me it was just so," She didn't sound like she really thought it was different for everybody, though. She just added that to sound fair.

Mary and the rest of the girls nodded; they were drinking it all in. Catherine was so much more experienced and so much wiser as well. They needed all the advice they could get, when their own mothers and fathers could only supply them with stereotypes and clichés about relationships that just didn't cut in real life.

"Anyway, I'm just… done with that. And with Amos, it's different," Catherine said, shrugging. "I've finally matured enough to be able to appreciate a relationship. And if it hadn't been for the past few years and especially _this_ summer, then I probably would never be able to appreciate it this much."

Lily didn't feel like bringing Remus up after Catherine's marriage plans at all. She felt like such a complete loser; knowing Catherine, she would get a proposal before her NEWTs and have a June wedding. While she was happy for her, Lily was also very sad for herself; her situation seemed hopeless. She did want to marry. Perhaps she wasn't as fun as Catherine, but this summer had been enough for her when it came to breaking boys' hearts (and sometimes faces… when it came to Daisy), and she wanted to find a relationship. Something that could make her forget her first relationship, which, in retrospect, seemed like a prolonged torture of two people who were never meant to be together. And now, another guy she had nothing in common with had approached her; what the hell was wrong with her? What was she doing wrong? She wanted a boyfriend like Catherine's!

* * *

Lily and Remus were supposed to patrol the corridors from ten to midnight again that day. Lily, Remus noticed, was much more distant this time. He wondered if his persona really revolted Lily this much; she liked him as a friend, but the thought of him as a potential love interest disgusted her – was that it? He had to conclude it probably was, and it was a blow to his ego.

However, he still didn't want to give up on Lily; he had become too obsessed with her to just let go of her like that. He didn't want to. He didn't want to let James win again. He didn't want him to have had the girl of his dreams while he was left with only daydreams of Lily Evans. James had bettered him at literally everything; he couldn't let James win this too.

"What's wrong?" Remus asked, caressing her shoulder gently.

"Stop," Lily said. Her eyes were devoid of the kindness and worth they were usually filled with, and this alerted Remus. "Remus, I don't… I don't know what you were trying to do, but… I don't like the fact that you're touching me, that you're trying to be a gentleman to flirt with me… I am sorry, but I just don't… feel the same way," Lily was so irritable she didn't even feel like turning him down politely. She really couldn't bring herself to care and it made her feel bad about herself. All Remus Lupin was was another downgrade wannabe suitor; she had already dated one, by the name of James Potter, and look how that turned out! Guys who seem too good to be true usually are, she concluded; and Remus seemed too good, too nice, too polite, to be real.

However, if she would have been in a better mood, she wouldn't have been this mean to Remus; but she was mad at herself for not being as good as Catherine, and was taking it out on the boy, who was the one that shed light on the differences between Catherine and Lily's respective marital statuses. Her anger might have been misdirected, but it helped her cope, and that was all that mattered.

"I… I'm sorry if you… if you felt that I was trying to pressure you, or something," Remus said, slowly, not knowing how to respond. "But I really… I really only needed to feel a little kindness. I am completely lost these days, with the NEWTs coming up and everything. I am sorry if you felt that way, but I… I am not… interested romantically in you. I am sorry,"

Lily sighed. She got this a lot from rejected boys. She had thought Remus would actually have a backbone and be able to deal with being turned down and wouldn't lie about it to her and most of all himself afterwards. She lost a lot of respect for him there and then. "Seriously, Remus, don't take me for an idiot," she said, rolling her eyes, her arms folded in front of her chest. "I know what you were trying to do. It was obvious as hell. Stop trying to deny it; I don't believe you anyway. You know, actually, I would have had a lot more respect for you if you only would have admitted it,"

Remus went silent, and his expression spoke of an internal struggle. Lily couldn't care less; she was just annoyed as hell and wanted to get away quickly. His mere presence irritated her beyond belief.

"I am sorry," Remus said at last, to Lily's genuine surprise. "I am sorry. That was… childish of me. Really. That was actually very James Potter of me," he said, chuckling. Lily raised an eyebrow at him. "I am sorry. I really do like you. I am sorry if you don't feel the same way," he said. "I still like you though," he said, looking her deep in the eyes with a penetrating stare. Lily turned away immediately.

"I am sorry," Lily said. "I just want to be friends."

"We never were just friends," Remus said after yet another pause. "I… I always kind of liked you,"

Lily waited too before replying. Sighing, she said, "And I always kind of suspected but was hoping I was wrong. Sorry,"

"Ouch," Remus said, then forced himself to laugh to ease the tension. "I am sorry if I make you that uncomfortable."

Lily shrugged. "It's not your fault, we just don't go together," she said. "It happens." She smiled at him encouragingly, all the while hoping he wouldn't think too much of it. Boys could be so unbelievably delusional sometimes and took rejection as hints to continue the 'chase'. They could really be so desperate sometimes for a girl.

Remus forced himself to smile, but his big grey eyes looked wounded. Lily couldn't help feeling bad; hurting a friend never felt good. But she wanted to destroy his attraction for her before it really took root in his heart. In a way, this was better for him - or at least she told herself so.

"Thank you, at least, for being honest," Remus said. "It's easier like this,"

"Thank you," Lily said, "for understanding," She smiled at him friendlily and Remus returned the smile.

The tension slowly eased and the two were back to talking and joking joyfully. Lily was genuinely relieved; Remus, however, despite the act he put on, was infinitely hurt by the rejection. He had spent so much time during the summer devising a plan to win her heart over, and after last night, and her semi-positive responses, he actually thought he stood a chance with her.

Reality was like a cold shower. He wondered whether tonight would be the first time he cried because of a girl; he had convinced himself for months that he was meant to be with Lily, because he would treat her right and that was what the girl needed. But… did the girl need more than just kindness?

After all, she was out of his league, and that was partially why he was so attracted to her; if she wanted someone in her own league or even out of her league (if there was even such a thing as out of Lily Evans's league), then he couldn't blame her. Not that he didn't, anyway, for inadvertently shattering his romantic dreams.

* * *

The answer to Lily's problems came at a party, much to her surprise; parties usually only complicated boy matters, because she flirted with them only to unceremoniously say 'I have a boyfriend,' or 'Sorry, I was just having fun,' or something equally rude when the boy wanted to take things further, thus hurting his ego and making him so mad it was fun to watch. During the summer, this had been Lily's stand-up. In a way, it was like getting back at life for the humiliation and suffering she had to go through because of James - and the pain boys had caused her friends like Alice and so many other girls she didn't even know about. She never really felt guilty, because she knew why she was doing it.

However, she had grown tired of it. She wanted to have a proposal on the ready like Catherine did.

_It's unfair_, Lily thought. _I have suffered so much more because of freaking James Potter than she ever has from anyone._ _Where's the justice? Why can't I finally get my happy ending? Why is everything hard for me but easy for her?_

The redhead drowned another shot of Firewhiskey.

_Off, off, off with your head  
Dance, dance, dance till you're dead_

Mary and Daisy made her drown two more shots for her to finally stop looking pissed like Bellatrix Lestrange when she didn't get ten new House Elves to torture for Christmas. That made Lily laugh and she drowned the two shots with a huge smile on her face.

Following the song's advice, she started dancing in the Hufflepuff Common Room. Indeed, she was at another Hufflepuff party. The Hufflepuffs have been throwing way more parties than any house, because their Head of House put their timetables together in a way that they almost never had morning classes, for which the other houses envied and hated them tremendously.

Seeing how drunk she was, other boys and even girls started passing her even more shots and joints. Lily knew her friends would take care of her – especially Daisy –, and she fucking loved being drunk (to put it mildly), so she took them all. Before long, she was way too drunk to function the way she normally did. She started dancing on a table with Catherine and her boyfriend Amos (who knew how they got there) and an unknown girl who had suddenly become her best friend, then went up to the girls' dormitory, rushed into the first one, and vomited in the bathroom. Luckily, no one was there and she could flush the vomit down the drain. She slid out but just when she was about to step over the threshold, she bumped into one of the residents of the dorm.

"What were you doing here?" the girl asked, her eyes narrowed into slits.

Lily laughed. She was still drunk. "Hehe," she said. "Take a guess,"

The girl frowned. "Did you at least flush it?"

"Don't worry," Lily said. "I'm a pro at flushing toilets," Laughing, Lily went back down to the Common Room, nearly tripping over her own feet several times. She drank some more. Her thoughts were racing even in her inebriated state. Thoughts of James Potter, Remus Lupin, Catherine Callaghan and Amos Diggory.

Finally, Lily decided she needed to stop being a helpless, useless, jealous little _fag_ and start figuring out how to raise herself to Catherine's level or simply suck it up that she just didn't have 'it', whatever 'it' was that all 'it' girls like Catherine had.

_Crush a bit, little bit, roll it up, take a hit  
Feelin' lit, feelin' light, 2 am summer night  
_

Lily was getting angrier and bolder with each second. A guy tried dancing with her, she pushed him so hard he fell onto the floor; before he could get up and drunkenly shove her too, she quickly slid past him to the other end of the dancefloor. She randomly decided to dance with another guy; the same concept that had seemed annoying before now seemed fun.

_Tell me what you know about dreaming, dreaming  
You don't really know about nothing, nothing_

She tapped a tall and muscular-looking guy on the back, who in turn turned to her. In one of his hands was a cigarette, in the other a glass of Firewhiskey. Lily already liked him, despite the fact he was wearing a Slytherin scarf and was surrounded by some older Slytherins like Bellatrix Lestrange and Lucius Malfoy. She decided she didn't care; he was hot, and she preferred if they didn't talk anyway. They were almost always stpid, the good-looking ones. She grinned broadly at him, green eyes sparkling. The boy, who was just as good-looking from the front as the back, had messy dark hair and grey eyes. He looked just as drank as she was, and seemed as attracted to her as she was to him. Lust at first sight. Lily couldn't have imagined anything more romantic.

_People told me to slow my roll, I'm screaming out, fuck that_  
_Imma do just what I want, lookin' ahead no turnin' back_  
_If I fall if I die I know I lived life to the fullest_  
_If I fall if I die I lived life and missed some bullets_

His friends looked disapproving, but Lily was too drunk to notice and the boy was too drunk to care. He led Lily away from his friends; first he gave her from his drink (Lily drank it up like a 'good alcoholic'), then gave her a cigarette which made Lily even more light-headed.

No thoughts, just actions. No sadness, only happiness; she felt like she was floating. Heaven was a place on Earth with the irresistibly handsome boy in front of her, a great song playing from the speakers, and with a glass of Firewhiskey in her hand and a cigarette in the other. This, to her, was the definition of perfect. The moment felt like Heaven on Earth to Lily Evans.

_I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know  
__Everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold  
__I'll be fine once I get it  
__I'll be good_

* * *

Several people were staring at Lily; not because she was the only one doing this on the dancefloor, but because of whom her partner was. First of all, it was a Slytherin – an honorary one at least, as of recently; that in itself was enough to make any honest Gryffindor despise him, but to add insult to injury, the boy in question was originally sorted into Gryffindor, and had been one of Gryffindor's brightest and most popular students. Well… until his change of heart at the beginning of the year, anyway. The boy in question was Sirius Black.

Slytherins and Gryffindors rarely interacted with each other, even at interhouse parties such as this. They hooked up sometimes, yes, but never in front of such a huge audience – not if they wanted to upkeep their reputation, anyway. Apparently, these two didn't care.

But to make matters worse, not only was Sirius Black a Slytherin – or even worse according to Gryffindors –, he was also her ex's old best friend.

The ex in question had gripped the glass of alcohol in his hands so tightly it shattered to a million pieces, cutting his hand; James Potter however was too angry to feel the pain there and then. Later on, it would hit much harder. Until then, he would simply bleed for all to see.

Remus Lupin was staring too; he had heard all these things about Lily, and he thought he couldn't have been hurt more than when Lily rejected them previously that day, but seeing her make out with someone who didn't even like her as much as he did (nobody could in his opinion) felt like his already shattered heart had been torn out, leaving only a gaping, bleeding wound in its place.

Her friends were staring at Lily, equally shocked, wondering what to do – whether to put a stop to this atrocity and create an even bigger scene (Lily was hard to control when intoxicated), or just hope for the best…

* * *

It was moments before the two were kissing passionately, their hands roaming each others' bodies; the boy was grabbing her ass with one hand, and with the other he was grabbing fistfuls of her hair and pulling ever so lightly. Lily was incredibly turned on; she loved when guys did that. She was doing the same with his hair; sometimes she bit his lower lip too, careful not to bite too hard. She was also touching the muscles under his shirt. Oh God, she was so turned on.

It was minutes before they would go up to each other's rooms. Lily couldn't wait. She couldn't wait for Heaven on Earth to get even better.

* * *

_Oh man, uh oh, room's spinning_  
_That was really quick_  
_Ah, fuck it_  
_Oh, God, why did I have to smoke so much and drink so much, ah_  
_Ah, fuck it_

* * *

A/N: What do you think about Remus and Lily together? What about what's happening (and what's probably about to go down) on the dancefloor in the Hufflepuff Common Room? ;)

Any other thoughts on the characters and their development?

I know I update quickly, but reviews make my day. So please, make my day, haha :3

Disclaimer: I do not own the lyrics or the songs used in this video.


	7. An Unlikely Alliance

A/N: This is a repost; I am supposed to get an email every time this fic is updated as the author of it, but I do not, most of the time. That is why I repost often, until I get an email, to make sure everyone gets notified of the update. Also, I am very saddened by the lack of reviews! :( If you could leave a review, the next chapter would come sooner. I am done updating frequently for awhile, because the lack of reviews depresses me. Sorry.

* * *

Lily could feel the glares burning into her skin as she walked down the stairs leading to the Gryffindor Common Room.

"Just act like you don't give a shit," Daisy said.

"I do care," Lily objected.

"Yeah, but no one has to know that," Mary said. "Remember last year after your breakup? Just hold your head high and let no one know what you really feel,"

Lily harrumphed, discontent with her current situation and the advice she was getting.

"But I slept with the fucking traitor of Gryffindor house," Lily said, feeling guilty, feeling like she too had genuinely betrayed the house that had given her so much.

"Well, no one's perfect," Daisy said.

"His cousin is the spawn of Satan," Lily said. "She tortures fucking first-years for fun," The redhead was of course referring to Bellatrix Lestrange.

"I think that's an understatement," Mary said matter-of-factly. "She's Satan. Grindelwald's got nothing on her,"

"I think Satan would be offended," Daisy said, and they all burst out laughing.

No one said anything when she went out of the Common Room; they only stared and whispered. This wouldn't have been the first time a Gryffindor had hooked up with a Slytherin, and it certainly wouldn't be the last either; Lily was fairly high on the social ladder and thus, they wouldn't give her as much shit as they would give Frederica Simone. As much shit as she had given to Frederica Simone yesterday. She gulped the guilt down and tried to divert her thoughts.

She couldn't help but heave a sigh of relief once she had climbed through the portrait hole and was away from prying eyes. Lily knew this meant that they wouldn't give her anymore shit either. Or at least, she hoped.

"See, you did it," Mary said kindly, clapping her on the shoulder friendlily. Daisy grinned at her proudly too.

Lily's eyes sparkled brightly; she was blessed to have friends like these two. Even if the entire Gryffindor House now despised her, having these two girls besides her made her trials bearable.

The three walked down the staircases to have breakfast, talking and laughing freely. Lily tried not to notice the angry glares – not just from Gryffindors, but Slytherins, Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs as well – and the hushed whispers.

"You guys should have stopped me," Lily said accusatorily. "You guys should have used the Petrificus Totalus on me, and then I wouldn't be in this situation,"

She suddenly didn't feel like they were such good friends anymore; one's emotions changed radically.

Mary heaved a sigh. "I told you," she said. "We didn't want to make a scene; remember all the times you were drunk the summer? If someone did something you didn't like, you nearly always picked a fight. We didn't want to humiliate you by hexing you! We seriously didn't know what to do,"

"Why did you let me get so drunk?" Lily snapped.

"You were really snappy for some reason," Daisy said. "You wouldn't tell us why so we thought we'd help you the only way we could think of. By giving you a few shots. It seemed to work, but then things got out of hand,"

Lily was about to open her mouth to retaliate, but then closed it. She knew her friends had genuinely wanted no harm. She remembered how many times she had picked fights, sometimes even messing with her own friends because boy was she aggressive and bossy when she was drunk, and it was a miracle they had even forgiven her for all the trouble she had caused. She felt ashamed. How could she not have noticed how terribly she had been acting? Why did people have to have something akin to an intervention to realize their own mistakes that they were oblivious to but stared everyone else in the face?

She felt like such a bad person.

When she was out partying, drinking, smoking, even doing drugs during the summer, she didn't have time to think about what she was doing – whether it was right or wrong. All she had cared about was having fun and forgetting who she had been. There was no time for regrets between one party and then the other. In a way, she had accomplished what she had wanted; she had had a blast during the summer, became a much stronger person, and no longer felt anything for James Potter, not even hatred, which was surprising to her as well. She thought she would always want to take revenge, but she realized his life was miserable enough without her involvement – he made sure of that himself. He was just a generally destructive and toxic person who was unable to appreciate it even if his dreams came true, judging by the way he had treated Lily, who had been the epitome of all the characteristics he desired in a woman.

The summer had passed, however, and she was forced to think about the kind of person she had become.

The first thing she thought about was asking Catherine what she would do in this situation. It felt weird even to her own self that this was the first thing she thought about.

* * *

Later on, she still asked Catherine however. After the cat-calls, the spit balls in her hair, the crude remarks made both to her and Sirius Black, she decided she couldn't solve this alone. Catherine has all the answers, she thought, and ran to the person she hero worshipped.

Catherine looked regal and beautiful when she stepped into their dormitory. Lily was crying on the bathroom floor, legs up to her chest, hiding her face between her legs. Daisy and Mary had run to get her, because between two sobs, Catherine had been the one she had asked for. (Mary and Daisy couldn't help but feel slightly hurt by that, but they did what they thought was best for their friend anyway by carrying out her wish.)

"Sweet Jesus," Catherine said, mortified. She looked like a silent movie actress with her beautiful blonde curls, red lips and pearl earrings and dark blue robe. Lily looked up when she heard the girl's voice; her face lit up with joy and the hope of redemption and being saved from the mess she had gotten herself in. "Catherine!" she said with genuine joy.

"Oh my God, Lily Evans, who did this to you?" Catherine asked, shocked, kneeling down beside her on the bathroom floor. Mary ran out of the room to get more tissues for the sniffling Lily. Daisy stood in the doorway, wondering what to do.

"_Everyone_," Lily replied. "The whole house hates me. They are ridiculous."

"They hate Sirius Black just as much, to be fair," Daisy said, suddenly finding use in her being there.

"But they hate me even more," Lily whined, pining for Catherine's attention and sympathy.

"Actually, they hate Sirius more because he's also the greatest traitor of the Gryffindor House ever to exist, actually," Daisy said.

Lily glared at Daisy – why did she have to say that? This way, Catherine would think she was stupid for making things up. She did feel like she was getting more hate than she deserved, either ways.

"Lily just doesn't really see that, I think," Daisy said. "But I talked with van der Leer who's on the Quidditch team, and they're giving him hell. They actually like freaking Potter, who is obviously not thrilled with this unexpected turn of events even if he isn't admitting, so that makes things even worse for him,"

"Really?" Lily asked, eyes wide, sniffling. "I thought they hated me more because I was a girl and I am supposed to have morals or something,"

"Well, for the most part, people are saying it's all James's fault and they think you did it to piss him off," Daisy said.

"Oh, no! That's even worse!" Lily said, making Catherine giggle despite the situation. Even Daisy cracked a smile.

"Trust me, it's not though. Not this time. That is why they're giving you less hell. They sent Sirius up to the Hospital Wing twice today; Madame Pomfrey doesn't even want to let him out because she knows he'll just be back in a matter of time and she doesn't want him to suffer. And it's only going to get worse; Potter really, really hates him now. Like, you can't imagine,"

That was when Mary returned with the tissues. Lily's eyes sparkled with genuine gratitude when she took the tissues from Mary, then blew her dripping nose into them.

"What have I missed?" Mary asked. "It took me a long time to find the tissues. I totally forgot where I put them," she said, giggling. The others giggled despite the situation; they had to ease the tension somehow.

"No prob," Lily said.

"Nothing, except what you heard van der Leer tell me on the way back," Daisy said. "The Quidditch team especially is giving Black hell, because they hold Potter in high esteem and Potter's mad at his best friend for shagging his old girlfriend,"

Lily blew her nose noisily, hiccoughing all the while.

"Oh God, I'll get the water," Mary said, hyperventilating, rushing out of the room again. The other girls giggled and Lily was incredibly grateful for a friend like her. Lily hiccoughed again and the girls burst out laughing again. Lily's spirits were lifted, but she genuinely wished they could get back to the problem at hand. They still hadn't found a solution to her problem; she knew she had caused it herself, but that didn't mean she should just sit around without doing anything to improve her situation, if she had already ruined it.

"So anyway," Daisy said. "I don't think you should do anything. Just play along with being the victim. That way they'll forgive you quicker. Maybe you'll even get back together with James; God knows he's smitten with you,"

"Ew," Lily said, wrinkling her tiny, upturned nose in disgust. "I don't want to play the victim."

"No one likes being the victim and the damsel in distress," Daisy said. "But it will get you farther this time. People like the victim. People like to feel sorry for the victim and do something to help them, especially if it involves simultaneously being able to ruin the supposed perpetrator's life,"

"They weren't so keen on helping me when James broke up with me," Lily said snappishly. Was she supposed to be grateful to people who wanted to ruin Sirius's life, who had only slept with Lily, over ruining James Potter's life, who had taken her virginity, emotionally abused her and practically raped her on her first night? What were these people's priorities? She was genuinely disgusted with them and couldn't be thankful for the help they were willing to give her if only she played along with _their_ rules.

"No one knows how you lost it with him," Daisy said.

"Why, how did you?" Catherine asked, curious.

Lily shook her head. "I don't want to talk about it," she said.

Catherine looked disappointed, but didn't press on. She decided to respect her privacy. "Alright," the blonde said and Lily smiled gratefully at her for respecting her boundaries. Daisy smirked when the two girls weren't looking; there were things after all that would only stay between them, connecting them, binding them together, and this way the three of them would stay friends forever. As much as she liked Catherine, she didn't want to let her and her best friend Reid in on everything. Her connection with Lily and Mary was much more precious than to allow just anyone to be part of their fellowship.

"But, Daisy, still – you expect me to be grateful?"

"I don't expect you to be grateful," Daisy said. "The world is unfair and it sucks. I know. But playing the victim is the best choice you have right now,"

Lily was discontent with her possibilities, and with the coming days, though she had no way of foreseeing, she would only become even more dissatisfied.

* * *

After three days of constant humiliation, she decided to visit Sirius in the hospital. She hadn't talked to him ever since she had broken up with James, so she knew this was going to be awkward. She just felt incredibly bad for pretending to be the victim and getting much, much less hate than this poor boy who was only trying to ensure he wouldn't become homeless once he graduated, and had only done what she had done. She didn't think he was guiltier than her or that she deserved to be sent to the hospital over something as trivial as interhouse hate. She also thought she didn't deserve all the sympathy she was getting from her fellow girls especially.

Lily walked to the end of the Hospital Wing, where Sirius lay, wide awake, in one of the uncomfortable hospital beds. He looked helpless and miserable and pitiful; Lily's stomach constricted. He didn't deserve this; she could see how hurt he was in his eyes.

"Hello," Lily said softly. Sirius slowly turned to face her, eyes narrowed, unfriendly.

"What are you doing here?" he barked. "Don't you know it was only a shag for me?"

"Seriously, no need to be so rude when I am the only person even visiting you," Lily said. "Where are your Slytherin friends right now?"

Sirius's expression turned sour. "So are you happy now? You have everything you wanted, didn't you? Potter's adoration and the entire house's sympathy?"

"Since when have you been calling him Potter?" Lily asked, trying to change the topic from her to something else.

"Since I realized he was a dick who only cared getting into virgin girl's panties and then leaving them," he said. "Plus, he has no future. That's _still_ all he cares about; he literally has no career plans, and you know his OWLs were at best mediocre. You know the kid has no future, right?" Sirius's eyes softened and became melancholic at the mention of his old best friend. He still cared about James, just not as much as he had used to when they were still friends. All they had now was memories – their friendship was long lost.

"I didn't hook up with you because of him," Lily said. "I hooked up with you because I was drunk and you were just kinda there," Lily said, laughing awkwardly. Sirius considered her, then snorted.

"Then what's up with all this bullshit that everyone's been saying?" Sirius said. "Your beloved ex-boyfriend came here to gloat today. Told me how he was going to get you back. And how much of a loser I had become since I had turned over to the Dark Side," he said mockingly. "Seriously, just because I hang out with them doesn't mean I like them. I just have to." Sirius looked deep into Lily's eyes, searching for understanding and compassion. He only found pity. "Ah, forget it, you wouldn't get it. Everything is just so hunky-dory for you, isn't it? The loving Muggle family, the crazy ex-boyfriend who's still obsessed with you – why aren't you happy?"

"I came here because I wanted to help you," Lily said. "In any way I can. I don't care about James. I care about you, as strange as it is. I don't want you to get hurt for something as trivial and stupid as this,"

"It's important to some people," Sirius said. "The majority. That is why I suffer. Because I am a minority who doesn't think houses are that important,"

"Yeah, you care more about the money," Lily said with a derisive smirk.

"Did you come here to judge me then?" Sirius asked disgustedly. "I told you you wouldn't get it; everything is just so easy for you. Everything comes handed to you on a silver platter. The only things that cause you pain are things you fuck up yourself."

"Don't tell me that's not the same for you," Lily snapped. "You're in this trouble because you hooked up with me. It was your choice. I was drunk too, so don't even use that as an excuse!" Lily said when Sirius was about to open his mouth to retaliate. "You're in this hospital bed because people hate you more than they hate me, because you turned from Gryffindor heartthrob into enemy number one because you chose to shag your cousin instead of another nice Gryffindor girl,"

"So shouldn't they be happy I shagged you?" Sirius asked, grinning.

"Logic doesn't work with the masses," Lily said, and Sirius's grin broadened and became genuine instead of forced and derisive. "So, they hate you even more for hooking up with a Gryffindor."

"I'd do it again," Sirius said. "You're amazingly good in the sack, Evans. James was lying,"

"Ew," Lily said. "Unfortunately the same cannot be said about you, but I want to help you,"

"Why? I shagged you and then left you,"

"What makes you think I wanted anything more? I was frustrated and you were there, and sex is a perfect outlet for frustration, and well, things happened. They didn't happen because you wooed me with your personality or something, _I_ tapped you on the shoulder, _I_ started dancing with you, _I_ initiated it, not the other way around. I used you as an outlet for my frustration. I couldn't care less about you. The only reason I care about you is because I hate injustice. I hate that somehow they still appreciate Potter despite what he's done to me; that anybody is even nice to him after I told him I was only sleeping with him because he wanted to marry me, then out of the blue one day he breaks up with me, not caring if he had shattered a lifelong dream or anything. I care that someone who hasn't done anything half as bad is getting treated like this because of a perceived affront to the Gryffindor House. I hate how the world works, and I came here because I think you do too. And I want to help you; because if we don't help each other, people like James are going to get much less for something much worse than what you did and what we did. Do you remember people throwing rocks at James after he broke up with me? Nah, neither do I. We need to win this. They're assholes, and we are not."

Sirius was grinning, and his eyes sparkled with genuine joy and appreciation of Lily's character. He was still testing her, however. "How do you know I'm not an asshole?"

"You're entire house is in Slytherin, yet you still had the guts to go to Gryffindor. You've probably had suffered enough humiliation at their hands for it to have changed you."

"I screwed over lots of girls," Sirius said. "And boys too. People who were my friends."

"I have too. I have hurt lots of guys too," Lily said, growing somber. "Pain changes people, you know. Usually, for the worse at first. Then, they become better."

"I am still at the worse stage then," Sirius said. "Have been for nearly seven years now," his grin was painful and derisive.

"Stop it, Black," Lily snapped. "I know James and I know you. You're both just damaged – you especially. James told me things about you. Besides, I did the same thing you have this summer – I know what you feel like and I cannot blame you for anything, especially since you have gone through ways worse at your mother's hands than I will ever go through at anyone's. I used the other sex to get back at James for what he had done to me too. But I no longer care about that. I just want to become a better person now."

"For the first time, then," Sirius said. "Pain has changed you for the better," he said, referring to the humiliation she was receiving now.

Lily smiled tightly. Her eyes were sad and her shoulders were slumped; she looked vulnerable.

Sirius smiled back at her, genuine joy returning to his previously dull, dead grey eyes. "Fine, Evans. Count me in. What's your plan?"

* * *

A/N: So much inspiration I couldn't even sleep tonight. I have to somehow cut down on the length though, otherwise I could go on writing this story forever, and the chapters would all be at least 20 pages longer. More scenes coming tomorrow. I honestly cannot get this story out of my head! I always have lots of ideas for the story and I cannot help but want to write them down...

Thank you all for your lovely reviews for the last chapter; you guys are genuinely amazing. It would make me happy if you kept up the review count; feedback is what makes being a writer worthwhile. Otherwise, if I wasn't dying to hear your opinion, I'd probably just keep this all to myself. So, please review! It keeps me going. Even if it is something like 'Cool, I liked it', it makes my day. I love long reviews, but short reviews are freakin' great too.

I am dying to hear your opinion about a few things - Lily's development, Sirius, the Lily and Sirius hookup, James's sudden interest in Lily, Lily's obsession with Catherine...? But you can give your opinion on Daisy, her development, that of Mary too... anyone or anything. I am curious to hear your opinions!

Lots of love to you, the reviews had really put me in a good mood, haha. 3

Katherine


	8. A Mutually Beneficial Arrangement

After explaining the plan she had devised to Sirius, the latter burst out laughing.

"I cannot believe it!" he said. "Is this seriously your plan?"

"It's Siriusly my plan," Lily said, grinning. It took a few moments for Sirius to dawn on him.

"Oh," Sirius said. "The awful joke I kept repeating last year all the time,"

"It's the thing I remember you for," Lily said, grinning.

"I must have made a terrible impression on you then," Sirius said.

"Yes, you did," Lily said, laughing; Sirius grinned back at her.

"I'm sorry," Sirius said.

"Oh, shut up," Lily said. "All of James's friends did."

Sirius seemed like he was surprised by the fact Lily didn't hatefully call James by his last name like he did it, but he decided Lily truly just didn't care anymore. Not enough to even hate him. She liked this new Lily a lot, because the James he knew truly didn't deserve anyone's heartache. Not just Lily's. But anyone's. Not even his, even though he wasn't what one would typically call an honest man either.

"All right," Sirius said. "But I don't see how this solves my problem permanently."

"Your financial ones, you mean?" Lily asked. She pondered the question, then shrugged. "I have no idea how to fix that. Your best bet is probably to marry someone rich who isn't a purist, if you go along with this." Her eyes were wide and vulnerable; he could tell she didn't want to hurt him, in fact, she was the only one out of all his acquaintances (including his old Gryffindor friends and so-called 'new friends' from Slytherin) to attempt to help him.

"But you have to realize, you cannot really count on your Slytherin friends," Lily said, her eyes wide and vulnerable. She didn't want to hurt him, but she felt like she had to tell the truth. And there really was no other choice for him if he wanted the Gryffindor house to forgive him. This was the only reason they would accept for his past behavior. It, however, also meant the permanent loss of respect of his family and Slytherin friends.

"But you do know they are going to hate me if I go along with this? Especially given your blood status?"

"It's actually O," Lily said, grinning, trying to brush off the question.

"Huh?" Sirius asked.

"It's a Muggle thing… we classify our blood differently," Lily said, shaking her head to show how unimportant this way.

"Oh, yeah," Sirius said. "I read that somewhere."

"In your Muggle porno magazines?" Lily asked dubiously.

"No, not in those," Sirius said, and they both laughed. "Another one."

A short silence set in, in which both parties smiled at each other kindly, not knowing how to carry on the conversation; Lily didn't want to nag him, and Sirius still had some questions to ask before he agreed to this plan. He just didn't quite know how to formulate them without sounding like a jackass.

"Look, I don't want you to take this the wrong way…" Sirius said. "But… if you don't mind me asking. Why are you so intent on this? What's in it for you that makes you so intent on helping me? You aren't… actually…"

Lily smiled indulgently, even a bit superciliously. "No, Sirius, I didn't make too much of that night. I already told you. You might think you have used me but we aren't locks and keys. It doesn't really work that way. Just like when you trip over your own shoes, that's not Merlin punishing you for Snivellus, that's your own bullshit,"

Sirius laughed. "Seriously," he said. "That's it? You just want to help me?"

Lily shrugged. "That's all that matters to you, isn't it? That's all that should, anyway. I want to help you because I want to help you. I do have reasons, but I don't think those are very important iny our decision making."

"Just let me guess what they are," Sirius said, feeling disappointed that the girl sitting in front of him wasn't the epitome of goodness and purity. He had to realize that that was a myth about girls; they were human beings just like him, and they couldn't be expected to be angels, especially when guys like him were always intent on taking their dignity away to fulfill their own special needs. He realized he had been told innumerable lies about the basics of how the world and human beings worked. But not only him – everyone.

"You're tired of being the victim," Sirius ventured. "You don't like that people think you're still not over your ex,"

"Who would want that lie spread about them?" Lily asked rhetorically.

Sirius grinned. "I get it. What's your other reason? Or is there only one?"

Lily sighed. "Consider it a mutually beneficial arrangement that I have proposed to you. Consider it like that night we spent together."

"Except that started a shitstorm," Sirius pointed out.

"That's why we're smarter now," Lily said. "But I'm not saying it won't start a shitstorm before things go back to how they should be. Life's a rollercoaster. You're at rock bottom now. But if you accept it, I can promise you that we'll start the slow and hard ascension. How 'bout it?"

Sirius grinned. "Why aren't you telling me anything?"

"Why _would_ I tell you anything?" Lily asked, genuinely not understanding.

Sirius didn't say anything. He was just used to girls – and people in general – telling him everything because they were awed by his good looks, financial or blood status. They all wanted to be his friend, and desperately so. He was not used to anyone refusing information from him. He was still curious about his reasons, especially since she seemed unwilling to share them with him.

"We're going to have to be pretend to be a _little_ more than friends if we want this to be believable though, don't you think?" Sirius asked.

"Oh, I can pretend," Lily said. "Don't you worry. But seriously, Sirius, stop asking these questions. I really don't want to tell."

"I know you can pretend," Sirius said. "But can you pretend in front of your friends?"

"Excuse me?"

Sirius decided not to mention how he had slept with one of her friends during the summer, who had told her a few things about her, which he had passed on to James (which had made the latter all the more certain that Lily would return to him.) The girl in question had said that Lily, despite how tough she was acting, had been genuinely shattered on the inside.

"All I am saying," Sirius said. "Is that they're still your friends. Don't you think they can keep a secret?"

"Everyone blabbers intoxicated," Lily said. "But if that ever comes up, we'll deal with that later. I think I can pretend pretty damn well. Made your best friend think he actually wasn't that bad in bed," Lily said. Sirius snorted.

"That's not that hard,"

"It is if you're with someone for about six months," Lily said, grinning derisively. "But come on, if you don't want to do it, I'm not pressing you. I guess you'll just stay in the hospital for a few more days,"

Sirius contemplated it. He decided not to mention that this whole becoming a better person wasn't really working for her, but he guessed overnight changes really didn't happen in real life. And the amount of pain she'd been through… he knew how pain is hard to endure, and it is easier to get over it if you realize you are able to inflict pain too. It makes you feel less vulnerable, and somehow, much more satisfied. It only deprived them of permanent happiness, but the illusion of happiness, a life filled with pleasure, was often enough for human beings in a world where appearances were socially considered more important than how one truly felt. It was an understandable phenomenon, even if it was a very messed up one.

"I'm in," Sirius said, wondering how he could pretend to love the girl sitting in front of him for the remainder of the school year. "Kiss me," he said.

Lily's eyes widened.

"And make me believe it,"

Lily noticed he was looking at someone behind her back, and, without knowing who it was, proved to him that she really was a talented pretender.

Sirius got lost in the kiss despite his best attempts at remaining cold and unemotional. She was a beauty, and he was a guy who didn't even try to control his hormones. Of course he got lost in a passionate kiss with a beautiful girl.

Lily, all the while, felt disgusted. _This guy is a slag,_ she kept thinking. But there was someone who was even more of a slag whom he hated even more than the worthless boy lying, bandaged up, looking sickly and pitiful, on the hospital bed in front of her.

The boy in question, though Lily had no idea, was standing behind them, witnessing the scene with true horror and disbelief on his face.

The best friend and the ex-girlfriend.

Kissing. Passionately. Sirius's hands grapping Lily's luscious red hair. Her gentle hands on his bandaged chest. No, this could not be true. This could not be freaking true. This was like a nightmare come true.

He hoped they hadn't noticed him. They couldn't have seen him from the threshold. He pondered whether to say something or not. He hadn't revealed to Evans that he was planning on getting her back. He didn't want to reveal it either. He didn't want her to know. He wanted her to suffer more, because he was suffering from her absence every day; he suffered because of his own mistakes, but how could one take one's pain out on one's self? It was simply impossible. Taking it out on other people was the only was he was able to cope.

He decided he couldn't take it anymore when he saw Sirius smile at Lily with genuine amazement on his face – what? since when was she such a good kisser? when they met, Lily had still been unkissed and was a terrible kisser; it infuriated him to know that she had since become a better kisser and was making other people happy with her skills, happier than she had ever made him with the skills she had back them. Lily was grinning at him smugly, as if to say, 'Yeah, I have you wrapped around my finger.' She was surely really smug about it because Sirius was – James knew – more handsome than him, and much richer. Had this been their plan all along? Was this why Sirius had stopped being his friend and started hanging out with Slytherins? Because he needed the money to start a family, and Lily had been the woman who had inspired him to do so?

He was furious. Why couldn't she have inspired him? God knew every boy wanted a boy like that. A girl who respects herself and makes him respect her. Someone who was beautiful inside out, who made his life easier and much more enjoyable. James felt that she was being unfaithful by extending that privilege to his old best friend but refusing that kind of gift from him. He became infuriated with her – but also with Sirius, for falling for his ex-girlfriend with whom he was still in love with. And who was supposed to be in love with him too, according to the rumors.

As he stood there, frozen to the spot, he realized just how they screwed everyone over with their act. They hadn't been able to keep it in their pants, that's how drunk they were at that Hufflepuff party, and their secret got unveiled – but they did everything to still keep it a secret. He still couldn't believe it was true, but if it was, he wanted to make sure their plan failed and their dreams shattered. He wanted to see them burn.

"The best friend and the girlfriend," James said, forgetting to speak in past tense, because the vision he held of his life in his head differed from reality. "Classy-ass. Congratulations, you two. You're officially the most two-faced, backstabbing sluts I have ever seen in my life,"

Sirius and Lily turned to him; Lily looked horrified, Sirius looked derisive and angry.

"Since when have you been standing there?" Sirius barked at him, his voice laced with pure animosity.

"Long enough," James said, grimacing to display his extreme disgust. "To see what a slut you have become, Evans. And you too, _Sirius_. You're such a great fucking friend. You were right not to come to seek aid at my house this summer. I wouldn't have taken you in anyway,"

"And then I'm the bad friend?" Sirius asked, sneering. "Do you even hear yourself?"

"At least I don't pick up your discarded toys," James said.

"Lily's not just a toy," Sirius said vehemently, grasping Lily's hands, who forgot to not look surprised by the gesture. She got herself together just in time before James noticed that something was off about them. He was too infuriated with them to think clearly as it was anyway, however.

"But you're a tool," Lily said, smiling widely.

"Oh, Catherine number two has spoken up," James said, sneering, derisive. "Congratulations on becoming the worthless slut you are today, by the way."

"Congratulations to you too," Lily said. "Though mine's a bit overdue, seeing that you've been a slut since much longer than I have. Still, I congratulate you. What's up with your syphilis, by the way, I hear it's gotten much worse,"

James blushed crimson. "Th-that was just a rumor," James said.

"It's alright," Lily said. "The point is that you got cured." The redhead smiled at him so evilly he wasn't able to recognize her anymore. This was not the girl he had once been hopelessly in love with, even if for a very short time. This is not the girl whom he had ruined. The girl in front of her wasn't Lily Evans.

He decided to sneer right back at her. "Like you hadn't gotten any diseases the summer,"

"Actually," Lily said, laughing. "I haven't. Not all of us are such tasteless tools like you. Sorry,"

James's mouth hung open. This was the last thing he expected from the normally docile and fragile Lily, who had only showed signs of strength after he had broken up with her – when she started yelling at him, and when she was able to spend an entire summer without begging him to take her back. He had honestly expected that, and his ego was shattered when his expectations failed to be fulfilled. Though, of course, he wouldn't admit that to anyone.

He glanced at Sirius – his old best friend was just sneering at him instead of coming to his aid like he had always used to during better days.

"Wow, both of you," James said. "I can't even remember why I had ever given you the time of day. You deserve each other. Maybe you'll even get syphilis from each other. Don't think he won't cheat on you, Evans," James said. Lily just raised her eyebrows at him. "Fidelity is just not in his genes, you know. Oh, but you shouldn't get your hopes up either, Sirius. She's not like the other girls anymore. She's become a bitch," Lily just rolled her eyes and pretended to yawn. Sirius looked angry though.

"You don't know her," he said. "Or anything about us. So fuck off,"

"Oh, you're right, I don't," James said. "But I'll tell everyone what I know. You can say goodbye to your Black inheritance, Sirius. And you can say goodbye to your reputation, Evans. Or what's left of it anyway."

Lily smiled at him with genuine nonchalance. James's blood was boiling.

_They're gonna get it back. You're not going to be the only one that suffers after you tell everyone their dirty little secret,_ James told himself to calm down. It didn't work.

"Fuck off, Potter," Sirius said, and James could take it no longer. His best friend had screwed him over. His girlfriend had become a slag who everybody got a piece of. She was no longer any different than him. He knew it was his fault. He had pushed Lily over the edge. He was the one who was responsible for what was happening to him now. But he couldn't deal with that. He told himself lies to calm himself. _They are the ones that screwed you over. They are the only ones responsible for this. This is going to be their karma; this is NOT your punishment. You had suffered enough over the summer already. You are innocent in this matter…_

He stormed out of the Hospital Wing, telling Sirius by way of goodbye that he wasn't going to say goodbye soon to the hospital bed if others found out about their betrayal, and that Lily would soon all the respect others had for her too. Neither of them seemed to care.

"Goodbye, James," they had said nonchalantly.

What infuriated James was that they could push him over the edge like this with their actions, but on matter what he said or threatened to do, they were completely unmoved. How was this fair!? He hated, hated, hated them more than anything. He would ensure that his Gryffindor friends would do things to them that made them regret they had ever crossed him. That kept him from falling apart at what they had done to him.

* * *

A/N: Short chapter for now, hope you all got an email about the previous one.

If you have questions about why they both had agreed to this deal, then wait till the next chapter please! The next chapter is going to go into more details about the plan and why each individual had chosen to pick it for his or her own good. I do not have enough time to write longer chapters, so the upcoming few chapters will be a little easier on the eyes for those who are reading online (and don't print it out or something, as I sometimes do.)

Thank you for reading. If you want to review, there is one thing I am truly curious about: what do you each think about James's behavior and Sirius and Lily's deal and their own respective attitudes towards it?

xoxo,  
Katherine


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